Asylum
by sapphiraelthefallen
Summary: AU destiel asylum!fic. dont like slash? then do NOT read. Sex/emotional torment scenes rate it a hard M! set in 1960s; Dean gets admitted to an asylum after an accident, Cas is his roommate. Balthazar is the assbutt doctor who pulls the strings, sabriel present throughout but not main story line. OC best friend Lily has a devastating secret she'll take to her grave
1. the one where Dean is on a bender

**heeeey guys :) yet another destiel, but this one is going to be slow-moving. it's partially written already but i'm not releasing the full thing until i get further into WYM.**

**please tell me what you think!**

**Chapter 1: the one where Dean is "On a Bender!"**

Dean re-adjusted the bag slung over his shoulder holding all of his worldly belongings. Long gone were the nights when he could tell Bobby and Sam what was wrong. They were dead. He was the only living member of any semblance of family there had ever been. And he was being locked up for the foreseeable future.

The bus had dropped off its only rider at the gate; the driver-slash-guard unlocked his handcuffs from the bar on the back of the seat in front of him and walked Dean in himself. Upon entering he noticed three other people in the main office. Two girls, both overweight and Goth-looking, stood next to the front desk, getting their bags searched and wristbands activated. Dean couldn't peel his eyes from the red blinking lights on the silver cuffs. He didn't know that there was _this_ level of security. His skin crawled, and he shifted uncomfortably in his place by the door. The guy in the room wasn't a new student. He had no blinking bracelet on, and was standing behind the counter getting the new girls into the system. Dean looked back to the floor between his boots and clenched his jaw. He did _not_ deserve to be in here.

The girls left, twisting the bands on their arms, testing their breakability. They looked disgustedly at papers in their hands, and the man called him forward with a halfhearted wave of the hand and a very condescending expression. Upon further inspection, he realized that the man was actually only a few years older than himself, and was a security guard. His nametag read Olson.

"Name?" the guard barked out, pulling a deactivated wristband from the drawer next to him and pressing a button.

"Dean Winchester," he responded automatically, rubbing his wrist with the other hand. The thought of being so confined made him itch.

"Meds?" when Dean didn't answer, the man looked up. "Do you take meds, son?"

"Oh…no." he looked at the door, calculating his possibilities of running before the guy could strap on the tracker.

"Bag check," Olson held out his hands for Dean's bag, and he handed it over reluctantly. Olson pawed through underwear, blankets, a ragged polaroid of Sam, Bobby, and Dean at Bobby's old house, a knife which he set aside, and mismatched clothes. He handed the bag back to Dean.

"Knives are forbidden, along with anything else that can be construed as dangerous to you types. Your schedule for socials and meetings is here, and your uniform is expected to be worn during meetings only. Any other time is free dress. You must take any meds that you are prescribed at any given time, and lights out is eleven PM _sharp._ Your doors will be locked at that time, and there is no going in or out unless you're dying." Olson gave the speech like he obviously had done it a million times before. Dean looked down at his schedule and saw his room number on the top of the page. He grabbed Dean's wrist and snapped the bracelet into place, pressing another button to turn it on before detaching its wire from the dock.

"This is a tracking device," Olson drawled and twisted the wristband so that the light faced Dean. "If the light is red, you're in- bounds. Green light starts a countdown, thirty seconds to get back in-bounds and the light will go back red. If you stay out-of-bounds for all 30 seconds, you get electrocuted and it won't cut off til we find you and drag your ass back. After the second offense you get a collar like the Hazards. I suggest you don't try it, but first-time patients always do. Also keeps you out of fights." At Dean's curious look he added, "Nurses have a radio signal, they'll shock you if they see any punches thrown." With that, he waved a hand at Dean, dismissing him.

The boy walked out of the office, rubbing the skin under the arm band and looking at his papers. He almost ran headlong into a man standing just outside the door in a set of light blue scrubs.

"You must be Dean?" the man asked. Dean nodded and adjusted the bag on his shoulder again. "Name's Dr. Balthazar, I'm the young adult psychiatrist here. Let me take you to your room so you can meet your roommate, then it's off to lunch and classes for you." He held out a hand for Dean's paper. "Ah, room 241. This way," he waved a hand over his shoulder to Dean, who followed in silence, taking in the scenery. They made several turns, down identical gray hallways lined with numbered dark wooden doors with tiny gold-framed windows inset in them.

"The second floor is non-threatening patients, so you're going to hopefully be good up there. I see you've not had a psych evaluation yet. I'll be the one to do that, probably tomorrow after you've had the chance to settle in and make a friend or two. Word to the wise, keep your back to the wall for the first day or so, but try to act very…_normal."_ Dr Balthazar sneered. "Here we are, Captain Silence. I'll crack you eventually, if the other kids don't do it for me first. But I'm betting that Castiel will." They stopped at a nondescript room, the door dark and wooden like all the others. A gold name plate held their numbers, room 241. The Doctor opened the door after a single knock.

"Castiel, I'd like you to meet Dean, your new roommate." Dean shuffled into the room and over to the empty bed nearest the window. He cast a glance over to the other boy on the bed. He had his nose buried in a book, and was wearing skinny black jeans and a loose fitting grey and white striped crochet cardigan over a tight white undershirt. His black shock of hair stood on-end, as if it had a life of its own

Castiel held up a finger to signal them to wait while he finished a paragraph. "Well, since he's not talking just yet, I'll finish my introductory speech," Dr. Balthazar continued. "Stay away from the people from the fourth floor. They are the Hazards; people who have killed to get in here. They are heavily medicated, and they have shock collars as well as the wrist bands, but we still have accidents from under-cautious twits. Other than that, everyone is fair game. I'll give you your ID band tomorrow when we have our appointment. Castiel, be nice in the _conventional_ way and give Dean here a tour." Before he walked out, the doctor pointed a hard finger at Castiel as if to drive home some silent point, and Castiel just smirked back at him. Dean was very confused on the other bed, noting the orange vinyl band around Castiel's wrist alongside the blinking tracker. He saw script on the sticker on the orange bracelet, but couldn't make it out.

As soon as the good doctor was gone, Castiel shut his book and set it on the bedside table, looking at Dean plainly. Winchester rubbed the skin under his arm band again, feeling it get raw already.

"My name is Castiel Novak, as you have heard. I'm 22, I like to read to stay out of trouble, I work in the kitchen sometimes and can get you food any time you want, and I am in here for no _actual_ reason. You?" Dean was startled by his abruptness, but smiled timidly, happy to have someone not particularly off-color to talk to.

"I'm Dean Winchester, I'm 20, and I have no idea why I was brought here." At Castiel's skeptical look, he added, "There was an accident at my house, a fire. Everyone died. Next thing I knew I was being brought here."

"Well, let me tell you, that story isn't going to hold up in here. Everyone has a reason. And you'll never get out." Cas stood and stretched, popping his back. "Let's see your schedule. Normally it's the same as your roommate's, but some cases differ." He looked at the paper quickly, handing it back to the boy on the bed. "Nope, same as me. Let's start walking, I'll introduce you to the people worth knowing, the actually _not_ crazy ones. There aren't many." Cas walked to the door, looking back over his shoulder at Dean. "What?" he asked at Dean's hesitant look.

"Don't we need…uniforms?"

"Oh, Olson got you didn't he?" Dean nodded. "Uniforms are your ID bands, and pants-somempeople have a problem keeping them on in here…. And you haven't gotten a band yet. If you don't wear it, they send you to solitary. But no worries, the nurses will know that you don't have one. Dr Baz there is one of the better people here." He nodded over his shoulder, signaling to the doctor who had walked Dean in. "He treats us pretty normal, knows that most of us are here for more societal issues than actual ones." He didn't stick around for Dean to ask what he meant.

They walked down the hallway, Dean listening to Cas drone on about the people that lived in their hall, the constant "pharmapalooza's" that went on, and how there were really only about five people here worth knowing, aside from himself.

"You don't just want to stay away from the Hazards," Castiel warned, shaking a finger at Dean to make him listen. "The kids on the third floor are bad too, they have behavioral disorders. It's like a hierarchy of crazy here. Basement is solitary, adds to the dungeon illusion. Ground floor is offices and class rooms. Second floor is us boring types with "attitude problems", third is 'medicated behavioral control' people, fourth is Hazards, and fifth is lock-down. It's all catatonics up there. If I was you, I'd keep my nose clean, no fights, even if you don't start them, and take the meds that they do give you. Baz won't prescribe anything unnecessary. He's kept me secretly off meds for years now." Once again he didn't give Dean a chance to ask any questions.

They arrived at a door, and Cas knocked loudly. A second later a boy came to the door and peeked through the window. Seeing Cas, he swung the door open and let them inside.

"This is Gabriel," he gestured to a short blonde man who was eyeing him vicariously, "And this is his roommate-slash-victim-slash-boyfriend Jared," he waved a hand at a huge boy with long brown hair on the other bed. There was no way that the smaller man was in charge in here, but as Jared leaned forward to shake Dean's hand, Gabriel deflected it gently, sitting on the bed in front of Jared to call attention to himself. Dean looked at the younger kid, thinking that he looked freakishly like Sam, but shook his head hard knowing that it was a figment of his imagination.

"Gabe here is in to be cured of his 'immoral sexual condition' right?" Castiel turned from Dean to Gabriel, who gave him an odd look but nodded.

"You see, Dean-o, it's not hip to be in here for no reason, so they always _invent_ a reason to keep you locked in. Cas here is off his meds because Baz has a thing for him, but not me. Nope, I just have to suffer here with my…victim." He added, still eyeballing Castiel who ignored him. Dean's eyes once again shifted to Jared whose hand trailed to rest on top of Gabriel's. It hit Dean like a punch in the stomach. They were here to be cured for being _gay?_ Cas noticed the change in his eyes, and laughed bitterly.

"Ah, he gets it Gabe," he sighed, lowering his head to stare at his black boots.

"Wait, you guy are in here for being homosexual? Isn't that like… dumb?" Dean asked lamely. They all three smiled at him, nodding absently. Castiel raised his eyebrows in surprise at Dean's word choice.

"Of course it is, you can't be cured of such a thing," Cas said, shaking his head. "But, until we show 'signs of improvement,' we are stuck here. Gabe and Jared here will never get out, they won't stop fucking their roommates. That's why the orderlies gave up and just left Jared in here." Jared smiled to himself, looking down at his lap now. Dean had the distinct impression that he had put up a fight to stay in here with Gabriel.

"Is everyone on this hall gay?" Dean asked warily, not sure if being on a hall with everyone watching his ass was better than being placed in one of the higher-up halls. Cas laughed easily now that his secret was out and his roommate wasn't a homophobe.

"No, just a few of us. Most of the people on this hall _are_ some kind of sexual deviant though. That's why we are here, because society put us here, but we aren't enough of a threat to be placed in the more dangerous halls with the heavily medicated folks. They think if they keep us all together and sterilize the women that we will just keep our problems to ourselves. You can't medicate horniness out of people." Dean realized too late that Gabriel was sitting in his enormous boyfriend's lap and they were making out pretty thoroughly, so Cas led him out of the room to continue the tour. "Take the next person for instance. She's in for being a 'sex addict' meaning that someone in her life got worried that she was fucking too many people, and put her in here for the rest of her life. What kind of friend does that?" he asked rhetorically. They turned a corner and stopped at yet another nondescript door, but Dean could make out a record playing behind the wood.

"Lily, are you in there sweetheart? I've got a present for you." He called through the door, winking at Dean when he looked startled. "She'll check you out but don't be scared, she's not on meds or anything, totally normal." Cas whispered to Dean as a girl called form the other side.

"Just a second Cas, let me get decent for your gay little eyes!" Eyes which Cas rolled dramatically, muttering _as if I've never been subject to you naked_ under his breath. The door swung open to reveal a slender beauty with masses of white-blonde and vibrant magenta hair that fell to her waist in dread-locks and bright blue eyes that rivaled only Castiel's. Dean felt his eyes widen in shock; he was anticipating something-

"Let me guess, you thought I'd either look like a prostitute or a loony?" she asked, cocking a hip defiantly and stepping aside to let them into her room. She definitely gave Dean's ass a squeeze as he walked by, noting to Cas the he should try to bite it. Dean flushed scarlet, and Cas covered his eyes with his hand, laughing.

"Please, Lil, I have to live with this kid for the foreseeable future. I beg you; don't make it more awkward than it has to be." The girl laughed easily, the sound reverberating off the cinder block walls. She was wearing a simple cerulean blue shift dress, but it somehow made her look appealing. Like only she could pull it off. She sat absently on the only bed in the room, having made a sitting space on the window ledge for her visitors. Dean was left to stare at the girl, taking in all her…features.

She was absolutely covered in tattoos. A full sleeve covered each arm, even the backs of her hands and a couple of fingers. Her chest was clean, but a family crest of some kind was in the center if her throat with vines and flowers off to each side, making her look like she had a high collar on. Tiny stars peppered the side of her left eye, disappearing artfully into her hairline from her cheekbone up her forehead. That was all he could see aside from the tops of a set of wings stretching across her back covering a few deep-looking scars there.

"Why are you in here alone?" Dean asked when he found his voice. The other two seemed content to sit in silence.

Lily laughed again, a bit more bitterly. "Sweetheart, once you get a label like I have, you don't get roommates. I'm lucky to have Cas here looking out for me, so that I didn't wind up in either solitary or being lobotomized so that they could control me." she ended staring straight into his eyes, which unsettled Dean. There was no mirth left in there. "Cas," she looked to his roommate and stretched out a hand and making a grabby motion for him to join her on the bed. "You're getting scruffy. I'll come down for a haircut and shave later in the week, shall I?" she asked. Castiel passed a hand over his chin roughly, feeling the overgrown whiskers.

"I guess I am due. Every two weeks, like a clock." He rolled his eyes to Dean. "Let's go meet some more folks and get lunch, shall we?" he gestured for the door after passing an affectionate hand over Lily's cheek. Dean went out, grateful to be away from someone who was obviously an old friend with his only acquaintance here. There were too many inside conversations between them and Dean felt like an intruder.

"Let's go Chuck next. He's not a sexual type, but he does think that he's a prophet of some kind. He's got probably a thousand spiral notepads all filled in with stories in his room. His roommate is in solitary for a very good reason right now." Cas went silent after that, not elaborating. Dean got the impression that he was just going to have to weasel the stories out of the people himself. Which was hard considering that he didn't have his own story to share.

Castiel stopped and knocked briefly on a door. It swung open after a second, a tiny thin man with a beard and wiry dark hair greeted them in a bath robe. He stared at Dean with huge eyes before letting them in. Cas wasn't joking, this guy had notebooks stacked everywhere, but they were obviously in piles and were sorted somehow. Broken pencils littered the floor and the other bed, which was stripped naked. The guy was shaky, like he was running off too much adrenaline for a guy who sat in a room and wrote all day.

"I've seen yo-" he began, getting cut off by a sharp look from Castiel.

"Chuck, I'm trying to teach him that not everyone here is actually crazy. Please don't fit the stereotype." Cas leaned against a wall almost sexily, like he was _trying_ to look like he was _not trying_ to look good. Dean shook his head, feeling weird for noticing.

They absently visited with Chuck for a bit, before he started humming and writing in a new notebook, flashing weird looks at Dean. As they exited, Dean memorized the fourth bedroom number for the day. Chuck belonged to room 265. He would remember. They walked down to the canteen and got ham sandwiches and water, deciding to take it back to their room to get Dean moved in.


	2. the one with the diagnosis

**hey guys! hope you're liking it, please enjoy and review at the end so i know how i'm doing! xoxox**

**Chapter 2: the one with the diagnosis**

Dean woke up the next morning to a soft cooing sound, and thought he was dreaming until he heard a breathy giggle from Castiel. He had forgotten to keep his back to the wall in his sleep, and turned abruptly, remembering where he was.

Sitting very naked in Cas's very naked lap was Lily, her long multi-colored hair tumbling down to cover all but the very bottom curve of her- very shapely- ass. She was straddling Castiel, who had his hands loosely on her hips, a lit cigarette dangling lazily out of his full lips. Dean was confused…wasn't Cas gay? He sat up on the bed gently. Neither of the two deviants looked at him, and Dean was startled when he saw the flash of a blade cross Cas's throat.

The older man had his head pressed against the cement wall, his throat exposed to Lily who had a shaving blade in hand. He seemed completely at ease with her drawing the blade across such a vulnerable area. They were whispering mutely in a foreign language, and Dean didn't know whether to speak up or eavesdrop. Castiel made it easy for him, cocking his head to the side to let Lily shave his cheek and thereby spying Dean watching them. He seemed unfazed by their nakedness, waving a hand at Dean absentmindedly.

"Hey Dean," he whispered, pressing a finger to his lips and pointing to his wrist. Dean looked at the time and saw that it was barely 6 am. Feeling a bit disgruntled at having been woken at such a dumb hour, Dean opted to find out exactly what was going on. He felt a bit creepy just sitting here watching them sit naked so intimately. As if on cue, Cas opened his mouth right before Dean could ask anything.

"Lily here used to be a hairdresser. She's not on meds so they let her have scissors and she gives the inmates a monthly grooming. We have a different arrangement though. To keep me looking good she comes every two weeks and shaves me, and once a month to give me a haircut. All I have to do it let her sit on me like this. It's a pretty sweet deal."

Dean couldn't help but notice that as he spoke Cas's eyes went back to Lily's face, almost lovingly he took a drag from the cigarette a split second before she pulled it out from between his lips, putting it between her own. His hands drifted up and down the length of her thighs lazily, like he was the only one who got the chance to do it. "Maybe she'd be willing to give you the same deal, if you'd like." Cas turned his vibrant eyes back to Dean who was having trouble seeing that as a good idea. Having a hot naked girl in his lap wasn't going to be the least awkward thing in the world, and he wasn't gay like Castiel was. It could lead to bigger problems than a shave was worth. He jumped a little as he heard Cas scoff and looked up to see the cerulean eyes roll, his head tilting back to rest on the wall again.

"Yeah, they let her do it like this because Baz says it's a good way for me to get used to holding a female body. He wants me to report any 'boners' I might get during our weekly evaluations. How obnoxious." He rolled his head to look at Dean again with a smirk and then repositioned to look at Lily, taking the cigarette back. She was humming a slow melody under her breath, still tracing the blade along Cas's pale skin, never cutting him. Dean became mesmerized by her voice, which only became more intoxicating when Cas joined her, harmonizing with her voice beautifully. He was unnerved by Cas's apparent ability to know exactly what Dean was thinking.

Lily reached over and squeezed the hot water out of a small facial towel before patting it delicately over Cas's face, booping his nose after she cleaned away the shave cream. She uttered something in the other language, which Dean hesitantly placed as Russian. She still hadn't turned to even look at Dean, and it made him oddly nervous of her.

"_Vam ne nuzhno strizhka yeshche neskol'ko nede', lyubov' moya"_ she whispered as she ran her hand through Cas's tousled mop of black hair. [translation: you won't need a haircut for another few weeks, my love] Dean shifted on his cot, feeling awkward and in their space. He considered going to sleep again, but he would have to be up in less than an hour to shower and meet Dr Balthazar anyway. It made the most sense to sit here and try not to watch two not-lovebirds cooing over each other. Maybe he should make small talk?

"Um…is that Russian she is speaking?" Dean asked quietly, not wanting to scare away the little bird, which he was afraid he did when she stilled her movements and cast one wide blue eye over her shoulder at him. His breath hitched in his throat; he felt like Cas was truly the only sane person here, and he's been here one day.

"Why yes Dean it is. It's rare for Americans to learn it because of the Red Scare going on right now, but Cas and I already knew it coming in. It's a way to speak to each other intimately, without the intrusion of others." She answered, fingers still threading through Cas's downy hair. He looked like he had fallen back asleep again, but Dean was proven wrong when he saw the lean man wrap a firm hand around Lily's waist and turn her so that they could lay across the bed comfortably. Once again Dean was left feeling weird as hell because now she was fully naked to his gaze, and he had seen a generous amount of dick from Cas during the transition.

The new kid blushed at her statement, feeling like an intruder in his own dorm room. Cas laughed silently to himself, turning the odd couple so that Dean wasn't getting a view of balls obstructed by her ass. Cas had to admit, if he were into females at all, he'd take Lily away from here; she was so easy to get along with and they were the only Russian speakers here. He ran his hand up her back, drifting over the scars from her past that resembled brands in so many ways. Lord knew if they were, she refused to talk about them even to him. He focused back of Dean who was getting increasingly uncomfortable.

"_vozmozhno, vy dolzhny dat' Din bystro otbivnoy," _he whispered into her ear decisively, suggesting that she give Dean the same treatment that he had just received. The girl looked over her shoulder at him, and asked Dean in plain English.

"Dean, would you like a shave or a haircut? Castiel here is trying to make you uncomfortable. But I'd be more than happy to come sit on your lap, at least you'd appreciate it," she said plainly with a wink. All the air left Dean's lungs, and he nervously ran a hand over his face to test out the shaving probability.

"If you shave me, I'll break out; it's not grown out enough yet. And I think my hair is short enough as it is." He trailed off meekly, not really wanting to get horny with a girl in a place he just moved to yesterday. Rather, he wasn't into taking advantage of the folks in a loony bin- who may or may not be insane- and didn't want to catch any of those venereal diseases.

Lily merely shrugged and turned on her back to talk more Russian gibberish with Castiel. She had wriggled around to face him, and Dean envied the way his gay roomie's hand dangled loosely over the curve of her waist. Problem was he wasn't sure _what_ he was jealous of.

Lily made a move to get up but Cas quickly rolled on top of her, settling between her spread thighs and pressing her into the mattress, his lips tracing over hers in a gentle possession. An orderly strolled past at that second and tapped the bar of the window with his pen, scolding them lightly before scribbling on his notepad and continuing his rounds. Lily scoffed, muttering a complaint.

"One, day _lyubovnik _you will do that properly for me, so I don't have to be used by you all of the time. You look to Baz like you are getting better so you can leave me here alone, and yet I get nothing in return." She shrugged on another shift dress, this one a pale green, and sauntered not before planting a chaste kiss on Dean's lips and promising to "keep an eye on the beard." When Cas shut the door behind her, he shrugged into a loose pair of navy sweatpants and an under shirt and asked Dean if he wanted to go to the showers before their meetings with Baz. He had forgotten that they had the same schedule. Meetings and socials were the same for them both. Dean agreed, grabbing a change of clothes, and set off toward the showers with Castiel.

Once there, Dean regretted his choice. The showers were one huge stall with about ten shower heads poking out of the badly tiled walls, and one knob each for temperature regulation. Dean did not like this and began to get panicky.

"Hey, it'll be alright," Cas soothed, stripping off his clothes and heading to the far left corner shower head. "I promise to not take advantage of you," he cooed at Dean, throwing a seductive look over his shoulder and then laughing it off. It worked, Dean calmed down instantly and laughed with Cas, going to shower next to him as two other guys he hadn't ever met filed in.

"That's Crowley and his little bitch, Roger over there. Don't cross them. Don't even look at them, Dean, seriously," he chided as Dean's head turned curiously. "He's in solitary like every other week because he's getting into fights left and right for no reason other than temper. Just um…" his muted voice trailed off, and Dean managed to glance toward his face just as Cas grabbed him by the shoulders and flipped their positions so that Dean was in the corner. Protected. _Thanks, _Dean mouthed to Cas who was keeping his eyes on the wall, fidgeting with the bar-soap holder. "You're welcome. But, if I do anything…strange… just go with it, okay?"

"Like what?" Dean asked, narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Like a power-play. It sounds stupid but-" he was cut off by a call from the hairy guy in the corner. Cas whipped his head over to them and nodded once, turning back to Dean and winking. Dean watched helplessly as Castiel strode naked over to the other two men and they whispered in hushed tones, Crowley flicking his eyes over Dean's body more than once. It made his skin crawl.

Cas soon returned, but didn't talk. Dean washed his chest nervously, rubbing the mass- distributed bar soap over the same pectoral several times before the bar slipped out of his hand and onto the tile floor by Cas's left foot.

"Oops," he muttered, automatically bending at the waist to grab it. The mistake was made. He felt Cas's hand on the small of his back and his ass was shoved down to his heels so that he was squatting. He grabbed the soap and stood up quickly, demanding an answer in his eyes.

"What did I-" he began.

"Don't you _ever_ bend at the waist in here," Castiel hissed between clenched teeth. He surged toward the now-standing Dean. The larger man felt his shoulder blades collide with the tile wall as Cas planted a firm hand on either side of his head and looked him directly in the eye. He left about a foot of room between their chests, but Dean still felt highly uncomfortable by his new positioning. "Put your eyes here," Castiel growled, jabbing his own right pectoral. Dean's eyes flickered down automatically and started to go back up to Cas's face. "Keep them there." Cas's voice had gone from soothing to black in a second. Dean was so confused, but he remembered Cas's cut-off warning and obeyed.

"It's prison rules in here. Crowley is the type that will claim anything—_anything—_that isn't already claimed. You want that delicious ass plowed into?" Dean shook his head vigorously, his eyes dropping wide with shock. "Then I suggest you act like you belong to me, or Crowley will make a bid on it and you'll never be able to sit again. Nod." Dean nodded, keeping his eyes down and his jaw clenched tight. Cas shoved off the wall and went back to his shower head silently. Dean thought he heard the faint chuckle of the Scottish guy but he just followed Cas's lead and went back to showering, searching for small talk. Their interaction had been watched fervently by the other two men, and Crowley kept his eyes off Dean until they left.

"Um… so what's up with Lily's back?" Dean asked tentatively, having seen the strangely healed burns earlier. Cas scoffed and looked at his roommate from under his lashes, much more relaxed now that Crowley was making his way out.

"If you ever get the story out of her, tell me. I've been working on that tall tale since I got here five years ago, no such luck."

"Well, they're obviously burns. They looked…almost wing-shaped to me how they stretch up and out?" Dean paused, glancing sideways to Cas whose eyes still hadn't left the soapy wall tiles. He was soaping up his thin chest absentmindedly. "hmm." He heard from the smaller man, and decided to continue. "I'm thinking maybe a caustic burn, from war or maybe a brand. Nothing like just a fireplace ash caught her or something lame. There's a real story behind those marks." He shut up as he realized that Cas's mind was not in the present, his eyes unfocused and slightly glazed. "Cas?" he asked quietly, not wanting to find out that his new friend was actually crazy.

Cas jumped at the call and looked at Dean, "Sorry, dear," he whispered. "I was eavesdropping on-" and he nodded backward to Crowley. Cas looked at his feet and shook his head before Dean could peek over his shoulder at the intimidating guy. He could hear the Scottish drawl drifting away as the other two left, but no comprehensible discussion.

"So, ready for your first meeting with Dr Baz?" Cas asked emotionlessly as they shut off their faucets and headed for the towel cupboard. The shower rooms were more like old locker rooms, with rows of lockers that stood empty and faded, paint peeling. Dean made a note of it aloud. "Oh, yeah this place used to be a private school then it was a small hospital. Now it's just a…different kind of hospital."

"I guess I'm looking forward to a diagnosis. Other than that I don't really care about meeting him. I'm kind of worried about being prescribed meds though." Dean finished, looking down at his feet.

Cas shook his head impatiently, pulling on fresh clothes and drying his hair, making it stick up in every direction. Dean resisted the random urge to help him flatten it out. "Nah, don't worry, Baz doesn't prescribe pharmaceuticals unless you really need them, like the third and fourth floor people." Cas replied, throwing his towel in the bin with Dean's and leading him to Dr Balthazar's office after they redressed.

Dean went in first, right at 8am. Baz was sitting behind his desk with a notepad in front of him, scribbling on it and chewing on the earpiece of a pair of wire rim glasses.

"Oh, Dean, please sit," he gestured to a squishy sofa which Dean sank into, bouncing his leg. He was nervous. "What can you tell me about the accident before you came in here? And mind you, I have the police record right here," he tapped the file under his note pad, "so I suggest you juice my ears up a bit more." He simply sat and waited for Dean to start.

"Well, I don't really have anything new to say…I told them all of it. We were all asleep, and a fire started, I think they said it began in the library? I got out along with our guardian, Bobby, but he went back in for Sam and they both died when the house collapsed. I almost died in the hospital the next day from smoke inhalation." Dean looked down at his feet for a while. "I thought that maybe it was…demons or something stupid for a few days after, like we were being punished, because Bobby is -was- really into the occult stuff. But I realized that it was ridiculous so I just figured it was an electrical short or a stray ash from the fireplace like they said it was."

After a few more pressing questions that led to nowhere, Baz wrapped a vinyl yellow band around his wrist alongside the metal tracker cuff, and snapped it into place. On it was a sticker that read **NO MEDS, MINIMAL THREAT** in bold ink. Dean couldn't help but wonder why he was being kept then.

"Um, Dr Baz—Balthazar? Why am I being held if I'm a minimal risk? Does that mean I can go home soon?"

"Sorry to be tactless, Dean, but what home would you go to? No, it would be better to be in here than in a boy's home or on the streets. If someone comes for you then you can be released. We'll have to just wait and see. Send in Castiel will you?" He finished, scribbling on his notepad a bit more. Dean didn't like the way Balthazar said his roommate's name, like it was drenched in honey. Gabriel must have been right about the crush. He felt that he was dismissed, so he got up and walked out, facing Cas in the tiny waiting room that was actually a chair in the hallway. The thin guy gave him a weak smile, his left arm across his body, holding onto the right bicep tensely, and shouldered past him with a barely audible, "Don't wait up, I'll be a while." The door was shut in his face. Dean shrugged and went back to their room, not really willing to hang around for a long time if it wasn't necessary.

~0~0~

"Baz, I just don't want to _do _this anymore." Cas whined, his arms folded in front of his chest defiantly. The doctor stood opposite him with his hands thrown wide, looking at the small man in disbelief. All of his writing stuff was gone, his desk cleared and his lab coat thrown haphazardly over a chair arm.

Cas stood by the door, not comfortable in the least.

You see, the reason Balthazar had kept Castiel off of meds for the last several years was indeed because he had a thing for the smaller man. He had been fucking Cas into the squishy couch for nearly five years now, and he was _not_ giving it up without a fight. The doc sidled over to Cas, having heard this speech from him several times, but things had gotten better, and they would again. What he didn't know was that Cas found out that he had also been screwing a few other inmates as well, and Cas wasn't about to be one of many notches on a bed post.

"Why are you doing this again, love?" Baz cooed in his soft British accent, wrapping his arms around a tense Castiel. "You should know that the only person I do this to and _for_ is you. Don't go chasing rumors, Castiel." He pressed his lips to Cas's tenderly, unwrapping the smaller man's arms from around his chest and tugging his shirt up to reach the waistband of the sweatpants to push them down. Cas bit his lip hard as he was guided face-down on his knees onto the couch and Baz plowed into him unceremoniously; Cas was grateful that he had at least slicked himself up with a condom and lube first. They only had about a thirty minute meeting, and Cas had wasted most of the time arguing weakly with the doctor, he thought strategically.

Cas bit into his palm to stifle his cries as he felt Baz's hands come up to grip his shoulders tight to arch him back for a better angle. Cas had to admit, Balthazar had a very nice long dick, but he'd rather actually want it before it was being shoved into him for reasons other than love or even a remote desire. There was no desire in this at all for Cas. He had long since learned to keep quiet during these transactions, and he waited quietly, his face turning red from the strain of holding in his cries, and the pain from not being stretched properly first.

The bad side was that Cas was being kept off of meds specifically so that he had no access to pain meds to get addicted to, so he wouldn't become a zombie. For Baz it was an attraction to a kept exotic creature, something he could never keep for himself outside of this prison. But for Cas it was insurance. A way to be kept on the second floor and off the mind-deadening drugs that they knew he didn't need. He also didn't relish the program that he was on before, with the Avoidance Training videos, ipecac/saline IV drips and forced sex with women. It got bad a while ago when Baz tried to tell him that he was teaching Cas a lesson to not want dick, to want something more normal; well, he still told him that every now and then. But Castiel still loved the cock, just not Balthazar.

It was better when he didn't try to argue, Baz was gentler and would prepare Cas the right way before taking what he wanted, but he had feebly hoped that he could make it end, like he did at least once a month now. No one knew about this, not even Lily to whom he told everything.

Balthazar pulled all the way out and dove in hard and deep twice more before he came, pressing as hard as he could into Castiel, their hip bones almost grinding together. He pulled out too fast and smacked Cas hard on one butt cheek, letting him know he could pull his pants back up. The color drained from Castiel's face fast as he tugged his clothes back into place and said a quiet goodbye, not even bothering seeking a kiss or any other touches from the good doctor.

He went back to his room and back to Dean, flopping on the bed and curling into a ball. Lily had art socials all day, so he couldn't go to her. Dean felt that something bad had happened, but he didn't press Cas, for which the smaller man was grateful. He simply put his book aside and went over to Cas's bed, sitting on the edge and rubbing firm circles into his roommate's back. Cas faced the wall, tensing slightly as Dean's weight shifted the mattress, but he was unspeakably pleased that Dean was silently comforting him. He held in his tears, he never cried over this, he was too used to it. Numb, even. He simply lay there and took the comforting, like he did everything else. His only peace was when Lily came over in the morning every two weeks for his grooming. He sent a silent prayer to whoever listened, thankful for Dean and not some messed up weirdo for his new roomie.

Dean felt like he was doing good, not pressing anything from Cas, and he was rewarded when his new friend sat up and smiled tentatively at him. He watched as Cas folded his arms around his knees, drawing them up to his chest and setting his chin on the bony joint. "Want to go get some lunch?" he asked tentatively, not knowing exactly what was wrong. The black hair jostled in its wayward state as Cas bobbed his head, nodding yes.


	3. the one with all the hurt

**Chapter 3: the one with all the hurt**

**BEWARE: RAPE SCENES AND HOMOPHOBIC STATEMENTS IN THIS CHAPTER; MAY TRIGGER SOME PEOPLE**

Two months later, Cas and Dean were comfortable in their newfound friendship. Every week on Monday, Lily would sneak through the halls to sit on Cas's lap and groom him, the next week coming to do Dean. They alternated so that she could come more often, all of them enjoying each other's company.

Dean had become more acclimated to the daily life here: up by 8, meetings, art classes, and being sociable all day, lunch at noon, dinner at 6, lights out, and it started over again. He had made friends with Gabriel and Jared, even Chuck became a decent person to talk to (when he wasn't staring at Dean like he was a ghost).

Later that same Monday, just like every week, Dean would sit on Cas's bed until he came back from his meeting with Dr Balthazar and he would rub his shoulders or play a game with him, doing anything do distract the kid from whatever had happened in there.

One morning, Dean woke up with a start to see no Cas in the room. He panicked a little before deciding that the guy had probably asked out to go pee or something. He busied himself by getting clothes together to go shower, before he realized that the rules dictated that no doors were open before 7am, and it was barely 6. (Dean had yet to figure out how Lily managed to slip out, maybe she banged the guard or something).

He pushed lightly at their door, finding it unlocked and propped open. He assumed it was so that Cas could return quietly, and slipped into the hallway, headed for the showers. A bad feeling was boiling in the pit of his stomach.

He heard a hushed sob as he walked into the locker room, the sound echoing off the cement walls. His first instinct was to run to the person, but Dean reminded himself that it could be anyone, not just Castiel. He laid his clothes inside a broken locker and poked his head around a corner to see his small naked roommate crumpled on the floor of the long showers, in the corner where he and Dean usually went. He was sobbing quietly, his face buried in the crook of his left elbow in a loose fetal position. Dean started to get up and go to him when the main door slammed and its lock clicked into place, the sound jolting Cas upright. Dr Balthazar strutted around the corner and into the shower room, not seeing Dean at all. At the sight of him, Cas's eyes widened and then went dead as he sat up and pushed his back against the wall and curled his legs in front of him. Dean was mesmerized, wondering what was going to happen when the worst thought hit him: was Castiel about to get raped?

Dean didn't know what to do; he started to panic. Should he run to Cas and save him? Should he run out and get help? He froze, wishing he could get Cas's attention and find out what he wanted, whether he was actually sleeping with the doc or if he was getting taken advantage of. Dean turned his eyes unwillingly back to the couple in the showers. Baz loosened his belt, unzipping the pants as he murmured to Castiel.

The small man got on his knees and opened his mouth willingly, even licking his lips as the doctor fisted his hands in Cas's hair and thrust into his throat, taking himself all the way down.

Cas choked but pressed his eyes closed, relaxing his gag reflex. This was becoming a problem. Since his last plea for it to end, Balthazar had become more persistent, coming to Cas and Dean's room in the wee hours of the morning to take him out and fuck Cas into oblivion, making it hard for him to walk at all, let alone sit. Every time he did it with no warning and no stretching, thinking that Cas was simply loose enough to take him almost dry every time. To be honest, Cas would take him in his mouth a million times over ever being fucked again by Dr Baz. The bad thing was that this was predictable. Every new roommate Cas got was like a giant dose of jealousy to Balthazar, and he was basically staking his claim by forcing his hand with the small inmate. It had ceased being fun about three years ago.

Dean watched through narrowed eyes, prepared to kick the doc's face in if Cas was hurt in any way, no way of knowing if he was enjoying himself or not. As soon as Cas had gotten on his knees he seemed almost…happy. Or at least willing. He watched as his roommate's throat was pounded into, snot and spit and tears streaming as he struggled for breath. But every time Balthazar released his hair Cas looked up at the doc and almost smirked, so Dean couldn't help but think that he didn't mind the lip service. Maybe it was all a show, maybe he was in a secret relationship with the doc?

Without any real warning, Baz muttered that he wanted to come inside of Cas, yanking him onto his feet by his hair and pressing his chest into the tile wall. Cas scrunched up his face and jammed a fist in his mouth, stifling the choked moan as the older man rammed into him. It didn't hurt as much as normal, because the doc had already taken him three times that morning and once last night, and Cas had made sure to slick up the dick's dick thoroughly. Baz never made a 'money-shot' or came in his mouth, it was always was inside him, so that he had to dig the semen back out and feel the burn all day. He tried to sneak his hand to his own dick, to give himself some release, but Balthazar swatted his hand away, telling him that he wasn't supposed to be enjoying this. That was his sick game; teach Cas a type of avoidance training by forcing him to have sex, as opposed to claiming his own homosexual tendencies. He tried hard not to roll his eyes at the statement. Instead the doctor ran his own hand up Cas's length, making him shudder before the doc came inside of him and the moment ended.

The doctor shoved into Cas four times, going as deep as he could each time, before he came hard. He made small movements inside his patient before pulling out slowly and tugging Cas's head back by his hair for a kiss.

Cas moved his lips against Baz's lifelessly. He felt terrible, numb. He wanted to crawl back to his room and hide, have Dean comfort him. He wanted it to stop, but it never would.

The doctor pulled away, kneading Cas's ass roughly before smacking it to leave behind a handprint and walking away, muttering about appointments. Dean was rooted to the spot. He would hang around to make sure how Castiel acted, and then he would return to the room to wait on him. Cas would never forgive him if he knew that he had just watched this, regardless of how consensual it was. Dean was still conflicted, and he needed to see how Cas felt before he decided to make a fuss or leave it alone.

As soon as the door was unlocked and he was sure Balthazar was gone, Cas turned on the shower head and fingered himself open, working the semen out of him delicately. His knees nearly gave out on him twice, he was so sore; he felt like he'd never walk straight again. The burn was deep, and not good in any way considering that it had been put there against his will. Cas had been working up the courage to tell Dean or Lily why he came back from his appointments so lifeless, but he just couldn't. They would think how the doc thinks; why wouldn't he love it? He was a fag, and all faggots did was take it up the ass and think about sucking off every guy they met. All they thought about was sex. Cas trembled at the thoughts and choked back a sob as he heard people shuffling in for their showers. He had to get back before Dean woke up and panicked. He slammed off the water and hobbled to the towel cabinet, drying off fast and shoving his legs into some sweatpants before going as fast as he could to the dorm room.

Dean watched Cas shower off, hoping that he was okay. When he heard the sob break through Cas's lips though, he bit into his fist, making his way back to the dorm room as fast as he could so that Cas wouldn't be suspicious and think that Dean had been there. He made a mental note to get Cas to talk, today. This had to be ended, and soon.

~0~0~

When Castiel came back in from the showers, Dean assessed him closely. There were deep purple bags under his eyes, no life in them, and his face sagged. He looked dreadful. A limp was obvious in his gait, and he hobbled like, well, like there was something up his ass. He was in obvious pain, and it didn't look like he was proud about it. Dean remained on his own bed, pretending to read a book until Cas got settled in his own cot.

Cas thought it was weird that Dean wasn't sitting on his bed, and then he remembered that it was barely seven a.m. and that he usually wasn't needing comfort at this time. He needed to act more normal, more himself, but he felt like garbage and just wanted to sleep it off since he couldn't make himself cry about it. He crawled into his bed and lay there for a minute, listening to the sound of Dean's breathing as he read his book. Cas struggled to find a comfortable position and settled on his left side, facing the wall. He half turned back to Dean and made a grabby-hand at him, at which Dean smirked and set down his book.  
Instead of sitting behind him like usual, Cas felt Dean lie behind him, curving to match Cas's position, he tensed, not wanting Dean to hit the wrong spot and then he'd have to tell a lie about it. But Dean was remarkably gentle. He hooked his hand around Cas's right thigh behind his knee and pushed it toward his chest, making a slot for Dean to tuck his own leg under the smaller man's ass, draping it over Cas's left leg. They were truly spooning, not a breath of space between them. Cas felt he was going to cry finally, and he let the tears build up, burying his face into the blankets as he felt Dean's hand circling his stomach, the fingers burrowing between his ribs and the mattress to gain purchase and remain rooted.

Dean had never seen Cas cry during these comfort sessions, but he simply nuzzled his face into the smaller man's neck and lie there comforting him in the least vocal way possible.

After laying there for a good hour, muttering shushing noises and holding his roomie tight, Dean managed to get him to fall deep asleep, even catching a small nap himself. They woke to a soft knock at the door before Lily peeked in the window, standing on tiptoe to put her eyes over the bottom of the frame. Dean motioned her in, not moving from Cas's side but letting the smaller man stretch from his long-dormant position.

Lily came bounding in, prepared to share a new tale or some gossip. She stopped dead about two steps into the small room. She immediately knew something was wrong and crawled into bed with them, fluffing out the blanket to cover them all. Dean had to laugh as she squirmed into position, facing Castiel on her right side as he lay on his left again, the two of them fitting like puzzle pieces with how small she was. Dean wasn't sure if he should let Lily have a shift at taking care of Cas, but as he was about to move from his side he felt a soft hand encircle his wrist, keeping him there.

"Stay, please," Cas croaked out, fresh tears springing in his eyes as he buried his face in Lily's miles of hair. Dean complied, curling back around the frame of his little roommate. They made a sandwich out of Cas, the girl pressing into his front, Dean at his back, a tangle of legs and arms surrounded their hurting friend whose body wracked with sobs as he finally bled out the pain he'd been hiding for five years.

Several hours later, the sun had dipped behind the west wing of the asylum, casting a heavy shadow across the room. Dean had left Lily to care for Cas- who had accidentally revealed several alarming bruises on his thighs, hips, and wrist- while he went to the canteen to bring back food. They hadn't eaten all day, and all three of them were feeling the effects of it. Dean brought back a sack of sandwiches and chips, a large bottle of water balanced under one arm as he carried the bag of ice gingerly, trying not to let the condensation soak the sandwiches. He returned to a scene that made his heart wrench worse than holding his miserable friend all day.

Cas lay naked on his stomach on his bed, Lily straddling his calves. The entirety of the back of his thighs and butt cheeks was red and blue from recent bruising and carpet burns. His lower back and knee caps were rough and scaly, obviously from being slid across low-pile carpet by force. His face was still buried in his blankets, but he wasn't crying any more. An eerie calm had crept over the room. Lily was biting a nail, muttering to herself about how to treat the skin abrasions while Dean stood dumbfounded in the doorway.

"I got food," he whispered, causing Cas to look up. His face was wrecked, dried tear tracks marring the cheeks, eyes and lips red and puffy from rubbing and biting them. He buried his face back in the blankets as Lily went to her room for some lotion.

"Cas," Dean started, earning a slightly turned head as one blue eye peeked out at him. "You need to tell us what's going on. This isn't…normal." Cas went back to hiding.

"I'm ashamed, Dean, that I've let it go on this long. I…I can't tell you."

"Cas, I'm not stupid. The only person in this place with carpeting is Balthazar. This," he paused, running a gentle hand over his friend's abraded lower back, "is carpet burn. Tell me how that happened if it wasn't him." He felt Castiel tense up when he mentioned the doc's name, the smaller man's shoulders bunching up and his breath catching in his throat.

When Dean said the doctor's name, Cas wanted to fight back with nails and teeth, deny everything and not let Dean in any more. But the gentle hand that had held him all day and had fed him was too sweet against his skin to bite, so he gave in. He nodded feebly into the blankets, not trusting his voice as he swallowed thickly at the tears building up again.

When Lily appeared back at the door with a bottle of thick lotion, she looked to Dean who nodded stiffly. "It was Dr Balthazar," he whispered, maintaining a hand on Cas as he felt the small man crumble in on himself. "Shhhh," he soothed, turning Cas over and sitting him up so that their chests were pressed together. Black hair tickled his nose as Dean tucked Cas' head under his chin, wrapping strong arms around his roommate's back to offer shelter from his storms.

Lily came up and sat behind Cas, facing Dean. She smoothed the lotion over his scaly skin, making the small man jerk away in some areas. The skin was still sensitive from the damage done that morning, and he backed away from her touch, away from his oldest friend. Cas cringed into Dean's wide chest, folding his arms in and tucking his head into the crook of Dean's neck to hide. They sat like that until lights-out, when Lily was removed to go back to her room by an orderly who gave dean a particularly nasty look when he saw Castiel's injuries. He didn't do anything though, irritatingly enough. She left the lotion and murmured to Dean for him to make sure to put it on Castiel before bed. He nodded as she backed out, her feelings hurt by the fact that her best friend wanted his brand new roommate's company more than he did hers.

Dean waited until Cas fell asleep again before moving back to his own bed to stretch out and get comfortable. The lumpy mattress was cold and lonely, but he needed the room. His back was killing him from being curled around Castiel all day. Dean fell into a restless sleep, dreaming about confronting Balthazar about the affair and possibly being thrown into solitary, or worse, being removed from the institute and away from Cas entirely. He felt like the latter would be almost as bad as getting convicted for setting the fire at Bobby's house that killed the last of his family members.

After that thought, the dream morphed into a nightmare of that night. It was only a year ago; he and Sam had gone to live with Bobby since their mom had died when Dean was four. John was a raging drunk and died in a car crash that he caused on the interstate one morning. After that Bobby got full custody of the two minors, and they had lived a pretty normal life for a broken family. But then Dean woke up one morning on the couch downstairs to the smell of smoke. Bobby had been reading the fireplace in the library and fallen asleep, a stray ash catching the old wool rug aflame. They never stood a chance. Bobby and Dean ran out, thinking Sam was right behind them, and Dean tried to fight the old man when he went back in for his little brother, telling Dean to stay put while he watched their father figure disappear through the wall of fire at the door. The ceiling collapsed and they were crushed, leaving Dean to listen to their screams until the smoke choked off their lungs and burned out their vocal cords.

Dean awoke to a warm body sitting on his naked chest, their knees pressing into the crook of his elbows so that he couldn't hit or claw the person on top of him, both hands pressing over his mouth to muffle the cries. His chest heaving, he managed to choke out that he was awake before the person slid off of him. It was Cas; he had woken up when Dean left the bed, but let the larger man sleep until the nightmares made him scream aloud.

"You were bound to wake up everyone," Castiel explained, starting to move away back to his own bed.

"No, stay here, please Cas." Dean tugged the little man back down to his cot. Cas smiled weakly and curled into him, laying his head on Dean's chest and wrapping his right arm across the larger man's stomach, playing briefly in the light hair peppered across it.

"Thank you for taking such good care of me today, Dean," he whispered into his roommate's skin. He felt Dean draw in a deep breath and pause, not quite knowing what to say next.

"Uh…you're welcome. I guess I just wanted you to know that you don't need to worry about me. I'm, uh, not going to do anything to you; I just want to know that you're okay. And I don't care if you're sleeping with the doc; I just want to know that you're doing it because you want to, not because he is making you." Cas didn't say anything for a minute, and Dean thought that he had fallen back asleep, but a tear fell against his naked pec as he felt the arm around him constrict further.

"Thank you Dean." It was all he could say, and Dean understood.

**please r/r! i love you guys and your great responses so far!**


	4. the one where everything goes wrong

**Chapter 4: the one where everything goes wrong**

**A/N: may i reiterate that this is not a threesome, lily is solely there as a friend. she's just a sexual creature and therefore hits on Cas and Dean a lot, but there is no sex between them! it's all destiel folks! **

**Warning: Homophobic Violence and Talks of Suicide May Trigger Some People!**

When the sun crept into their bedroom, Dean was already awake. He shook Cas gently, needing him to get up and take a shower after avoiding it yesterday like the plague. The smaller man groaned and rolled over, burrowing into the covers to hide from Dean.

"NO, you get up right now Castiel! You need a shower! Don't worry about the bruises, if there are people in there you can just…say I gave them to you or something." That earned an incredulous, peeking blue eye from under the blanket.

"Dean, I am NOT saying that you hurt me in any way, not after how perfect you have been. If someone asks, I'll just say that I fell down the stairs or something. But I really don't want to go," he harrumphed, throwing the cover back over his head with a pout. Dean simply nestled under the blanket too, constricting his arms around the smaller man's chest and threatening to tickle him. When the tip of his finger brushed against the smaller man's skin he jumped out of the bed with a ticklish yelp, taking the covers with him.

"Oh, good, you're up. Come on then, let's go before they crowd up!" Dean managed between breathless laughs. Cas begrudgingly sought out a fresh change of clothes and followed Dean to the locker rooms as though he was being led to face his death penalty. Dean knew that Castiel was secretly avoiding the place to avoid reliving his last encounter with Balthazar here, but there was just no way to really avoid that other than being filthy and smelly. That, Dean could not allow.

They walked over to their usual corner after stripping and started washing before the first person came in. It was Crowley and his crony. They nodded to the roommates briefly and went to the opposite corner as usual, but Cas felt the lingering eyes of the boss over his bruises and minutely turned his head away from the troublemaker. Crowley took this as a sign of defeat and sauntered over to them, a devious smile playing on his features.

Dean immediately tensed, not wanting any of them to end up in solitary, but definitely not wanting attention brought to Cas in any way.

"So, Castiel, what did you do? Let your little beefcake here top and you got the worst of it? Those look pretty nasty for love bites, friend." He leaned a hairy arm on the wall under the closest showerhead to Dean, who was on the outside of the duo (having put Cas on the inside corner to block him from sight).

"N-no, Crowley. They're not from Dean." He managed, trying in vain to shift his weight to a less painful distribution while simultaneously trying to hide the worst of the marks from his aggressor. "I had a fall. An accident. Dean would never hurt me like this." Blue fire blazed in his eyes at the suggestion, and it infuriated him to not be able to blab out the true fiend.

"Why don't you go back to your own end Crowley, we're not in for trouble today," Dean interjected. His skin crawled at the way the man's eyes raked over Cas's damaged frame, actually willing the gesture on himself to spare his friend the discomfort. Bad thinking, because the eyes were now drifting over his bigger build, and he didn't like the anger emanating off of Castiel in waves next to him. He turned his head to look at Cas when it happened.

In less than a blink, Cas's fist connected with Crowley's jaw, causing a loud snap to echo through the cement room. His crony Roger came running over as the old guy's body fell to the ground, his hand still stretched out to make a grab for Cas's damaged ass. He was in real trouble now, there was no way they'd let him out of a stint in solitary for knocking a patient out.

Sure enough, as Dean made to jump in front of his roommate and check the state of his stinging knuckles, an orderly came rushing in, turning on Cas's wristband and with the combination of his wet skin and slight build, the thin man was taken to the ground in body-wracking jolts of electricity.

"De-Dean! They'll take me to- to Baz. Don't sta-start anything, just wai-wait for me in our room and te-tell Lily!" he choked out between shocks, his body rigid and trembling. Dean sat helplessly on the floor next to him, restraining himself from holding Cas' hand and stressing out over what Balthazar would do to him now. The orderly came over and turned off Cas's band once he checked on the unconscious Crowley, yanking Cas up by his arm and thrusting a pair of shorts in his hand. Castiel struggled into the boxers, leaning heavily on Dean's chest and finally allowing himself to be led out of the bathroom and to his sentencing by his very own personal Satan: the man who'd been "helping" him for five years.

~0~0~

Twenty minutes later, Castiel was sitting in Balthazar's office on the very couch that was stained with his pain and fear. Baz himself sat opposite, his face in his hands. He had a decision to make: let him go and defy the most basic rule of the institution, or lose his favorite lover for a solid week. The doc sighed heavily and looked up at Castiel.

"Why did you hit him, Castiel? Do you _want_ to go to solitary? Is that it?" the smaller man tensed up and shot him a look full of pure loathing.

"Are you serious? You really want to know, Balthazar? How about this as an excuse?" he stood up and took his shorts down, turning around to show the bruises to Balthazar that he had put there. "These are from YOU! Crowley was trying to make me his bitch, too; but what can I say, I can only handle one violent dick at a time! Send me to solitary so I can fucking HEAL and get away from you and everyone else who's only interested in pounding my ass 'til I can't sit anymore!" by the end, Cas was fuming, sitting on the edge of the couch with his boxers back in place. Balthazar was shocked into silence, not realizing what he had done. But instead of feeling remorseful, he was typical in his denial.

"Castiel, I think that you must be sleeping with others on the side. The orderly in your hall told me that you were having sex with Lily the other morning? Is that true?"

"No," came the black answer.

"Well, that's too bad. Is your roommate an ass-diving fag too? Do I need to treat him as well? Don't bother answering; I won't believe you at this point. You've always been the one to take on the punishment rather than dole it out." Cas looked into his lap, suddenly very afraid for Dean's welfare.

"You will be put in solitary for three days, as this is your first offense. No visitors, and if you behave you won't have to be collared. Jeffrey?" Balthazar called to the orderly in the hallway, who came in a second later. "Take him down to solitary, no collar for now. We'll see how he behaves. No visitors." The doc reiterated. "Unless I need to see him of course." The last remark sent Cas into tremors, fighting himself to not lash out and make a run for it.

~0~0~

Dean all but ran back to his and Cas's room, dumping their old clothes in the bin and running back out to Lily's room where she was just getting ready. He pounded on her door furiously, "Lily!"

"Hold on, Dean!" she threw on the nearest dress and threw open the door, wondering what could be so urgent.

"Cas got taken to Balthazar for punching Crowley and he's going to be sent to solitary!" he huffed out, chest heaving from all the running.

"What?" she asked in disbelief. "Cas punched Crowley?"

"He was making a move to grab Cas in the shower and the kid decked him! Broke his jaw and everything! I'm worried that he'll get a collar and be down there for longer than normal…" Dean trailed off, the two of them heading back to his room to await the decision.

"Baz wouldn't do that; he will probably get a few days and no collar if he behaves. He'll want his sex slave around too much to send him away for long." Dean nodded thoughtfully at her words.

A few minutes after they arrived, an orderly walked in and took a set of clothes from Castiel's dresser, telling them the news of his punishment. Dean sat on his bed sadly, looking over at the other bed that would remain empty for the next several days. Lily sat next to him, resting her pink head on his shoulder quietly.

~0~0~

Castiel was led down the stairs next to Balthazar's office to the basement and down the dank hall to a grimy metal door. The air was thick with mildew down here, and it was evident that the walls were not scrubbed by the nuns like the other floors were. The doctor unlocked the nondescript metal door- it had no number- and motioned Cas inside, telling the orderly to be on their way. Cas's skin crawled as he backed up against a wall, looking around the grimy room, not wanting to touch anything. His nose wrinkled in disgust at the smell, and his skin crawled with more than just the draft running through the place. This was where bad prisoners went, not people like him, who were just trying to look out for a friend, and themselves.

"Well, Cas, I guess I'll 'leave you alone' down here like you wanted. Just know that if you can't stop this perversion on your own, we'll just have to find another, more intense method to cure you with." On that black note the Brit left, locking the door behind him. Cas didn't move until he heard the stairwell door slam and echo down the hall. With a shaky breath he lowered himself gingerly onto the cot, which oddly seemed relatively clean. The orderly had given him a set of clothes for later, and he placed them on the clean sheets next to him. The silence was overpowering, and it caused more thoughts to echo in his ears than were really necessary.

All he could do was hope that three days came and went as quickly as they did when he was in his room with Dean.

That night, Cas lay on his cold bed with no blanket, having inspected every corner of the tiny room (and not finding anything interesting) twice now. If solitary was meant to be a punishment, it was nothing compared to dealing with Balthazar every few hours. He went to sleep, waking up several times in the night from weird dreams and longing for the warm body that had kept them at bay for the last two nights.

~0~0~

Two floors above him, Dean lay in his bed with Cas's blanket rolled up next to him, a poor replacement for the lean body he had strangely become accustomed to sleeping with. Troubled dreams kept him from sleeping well, and he felt distinctly that trouble was on its way in the morning.

Sure enough, several hours later- and much earlier than usual, Dean tramped into the showers alone, going to his and Cas's typical corner without a thought. He should have looked around him before he turned his back to the room, before a pillow case was duct-taped around his neck tightly, masking his whole head. He was dragged bodily from the showers, feeling the tile under his feet shift from smooth ceramic to rough concrete. He was between the rows of lockers. He felt at least four sets of hand on him, whispering furiously to each other before he was dropped harshly on the hard ground. His hands were taped behind his back so that he was defenseless.

"It's clear" he heard someone mutter a split second before shoed feet connected with his ribs. Dean wheezed out, feeling a bruise blossom almost immediately. A chorus of homophobic slurs echoed through his ringing ears, among the blood.

"You, fag!" "Fudge-packer!" "Gay-lover!" "Disgusting" "Filthy!" each word connected to a fist or a shoe, ramming into an indefensible part of his body while he lay on the ground unable to block the unseen hits. A door opened and the attackers scattered, and he was certain that they were Crowley's followers. Dean managed to struggle into a sitting position and find the end of the tape around his wrists, unwinding it and going for the tape around his throat, pulling off the pillowcase as an orderly came into the aisle.

"Oh my God, Dean are you okay?" the guy asked. Dean squinted through the blood streaming down his brow to see Jeffrey. He was alright; he liked Cas well enough, so he could be reasonably trusted.

"Yeah, just peachy…" he huffed out, wrapping an arm around his ribs.

"Don't get smart. Do you know who did this?"  
"My guess is, after yesterday, Crowley's friends. But they masked me so I can't be sure." He shook the pillowcase at Jeffrey.

"Crap, let's get you to the nurse, come on." He helped Dean to his feet and into a pair of pants before walking him down the hallway.

"How can they have done that without getting shocked?" Dean wondered aloud.

"Well, the bracelets are far from infallible. If they put a rubber band or their vinyl bands under the cuff, it will dull the shocks, but they won't be activated unless an orderly or doc presses the button, remember." Dean nodded, gasping for air against his cracked ribs.

They arrived outside the nurse station just as Balthazar was walking out, his eyes blown wide at the sight. "Dean! What the bloody hell happened?" the doc cried, holding the door open for Jeffrey to drag Dean the rest of the way in the room.

The orderly answered for him, as he was presently out of air. "Several boys ran out as I was headed in to monitor shower times. They had dragged Dean here into the lockers and duct-taped this pillowcase around his head and beat the hell out of him, evidently." He handed the bloodied case with the tape still stuck to it to Balthazar, who seemed to be at a loss for words. Dean sat on the nurse's bed-table as she wiped at the blood that was coming out of everywhere on his face and arms. His brow had been cut deep by a shoe tip, his ears and nose bleeding from being boxed, and a split lip dribbled thick blood down his chin. Bruises painted thick patches of black and purple across his torso and thighs, and his forearms were cut up from trying to pull his arms free to defend his head.

Balthazar leaned down, level with Dean's face. The patient looked back at him through a blackened eye, the other already swelling up from the broken nose he'd been dealt. "Why did they do this? Because of Crowley and Castiel?" Dean shrugged.

"I think they think that me and Cas are…_together_ or something. They were yelling gay slurs at me the whole time. Probably thought that beating on me while he was put away would bring out a better fight later or something." Dean kept his eyes down, not wanting Baz to have any reason to do to him what he'd been doing to Cas.

"Well, we'll just have to fix that. Take care of him and send him back to his room, keep an eye on his hall." He directed to Jeffrey and the nurse.

To another orderly who'd wandered in he directed, "Round up Crowley's gang, they all go to solitary until we can figure this out. I'm going to have to make some calls." The man disappeared down the hall again. The doc leaned back down to Dean. "Don't worry, I'll keep them away from him in there."

~0~0~

Dean was patched up with super glue and tape, and a firm wrap was wound around his ribs before he was sent back to his room with Jeffrey. On his walk back Gabriel came into view, a hand slapped to his mouth before he dove back in his room to fetch Jared to come see. They both waited a minute and came rushing into Dean's room as soon as Jeffrey left. He pulled a strained smile at the couple, explaining what happened as they tried to hand him everything he looked at, gushing in their attempt to be helpful.

"Uh, guys? I really just need to rest, I don't need anything. Send Lily in if you see her in the hall though, please?" they nodded solemnly, walking back out of his room after adjusting his pillows for the fifth time.

~0~0~

It was Castiel's second day in Solitary, and he crept to the solid door to press his ear against it. He heard echoes of yelling and the thuds of nightsticks hitting flesh as a group of men were led into the cells surrounding him. Chuck's roommate was next to Cas in the solid cells, and they had talked through the drain in the bottom of the wall last night, but now they were both silent as the screams echoed off the cement walls.

After the noise died down, Cas heard the key to his door being shoved in and backed against the far wall, fearing that it was Balthazar coming in to rape him again. It was Balthazar, but he looked tense and alert, not horny. Cas relaxed very slightly, still staying far away from the doctor.

"Cas, Dean was attacked earlier today," he sighed, rubbing his finger and thumb into his eyes and remaining in the doorway. "Crowley's followers tied him up and beat the hell out of him in the lockers. He's okay, in his room now, but he's got a few cracked ribs and he's cut up all over. I just thought you should know before you hear it from one of these barbarians. We caught them all, that's who's down here now." Cas was speechless, opening and closing his mouth in disbelief like a fish.

"Is he okay?" he choked out, sinking to his knees. He had caused this reaction from Crowley; he should have known better than to strike out and leave Dean alone to deal with the repercussions. Baz nodded, backing out of the room and shutting the door quietly. Castiel listened hard to the orderlies yelling at the gang of misfits that were in separate stalls down the hall.

"Take your meds and shut up. Any more talking and I'll have you all knocked out!" he heard Jeffrey yell. Doors slammed left and right around Castiel as he trembled in the dark corner of his room, panicking about Dean.

"Hey," he heard a whisper at his door; Jeffrey. The light under the door blacked out for a second as he came close to the door and stooped to slide something under Cas' door. He crawled toward it. "Castiel, it's just a sleeping pill. Take it so you can relax. Dean is fine, I had him patched up and took him back to your room myself. He's sleeping now, and your friends are checking in on him fairly often." Cas smiled sadly, thinking of Lily and Gabe and Jared fluttering around Dean and annoying him. He took the pill and half crawled back to his cot to curl up and ignore the echoes bouncing off the cement walls.

~0~0~

Dean fell into a restless sleep, waking up late the next morning to freshly sore muscles and bones that screamed at him when he breathed. He heard the door to the room open quietly, and tensed, not knowing who was slipping in in the dark now that night had fallen.

"You behave yourself, you hear? Don't go thinking that you rule the school just because I've had pity and let you out a bit early," he heard what he thought was Balthazar whispering harshly to someone. Cas was shoved into the room bodily before the door was slammed shut, landing hard on his ass on the stone floor with a yelp. Dean attempted to roll over in the bed to see him, but only managed to cock his head slightly before a hiss of pain erupted from between his lips. Cas's eyes snapped to him instantly, worry flashing across his face as he scrambled up on his knees and hobbled over.

Dean caught a shimmer of silver at his throat in the moonlight and gasped, reaching a shaking hand out to touch the cool metal with its blinking red light. Baz had collared him.

Castiel made a face and pushed Dean's hand back down to his own chest, turning on the light to see the damage. Dean flinched against the burn in his eyes from being in the dark all day. He was bandaged all over his head; both eyes swollen almost shut and cuts everywhere, marring his beautiful features. Cas bit his lip and looked lower. He was still only in a pair of old jeans, so he could easily make out the bruises peppering his chest and stomach, the wrap covering his broken ribs.

All Cas could think was that he had caused this, by fighting with the King of the institution. The king of Hell as it were. He very gingerly leaned down onto the bed so that he was stretched out next to his beaten roommate. Cas propped his head up on his elbow to better see, also so that he wouldn't cause any harm by letting himself snuggle into Dean's chest like he wanted to.

What had happened to the two strangers living in an insane asylum together? Barely two months had passed and they were inseparable. Gone were those days, they were living in a world now where they were the only living things in a world of misery. They clung to each other, and it was evident by how the other people around them treated them that they were not accepted anymore. They were targets, and all they had to stay safe, for protection, was each other. Dean's time during the one day that Cas was away was bleak to say the least. Cas tried not to reflect on how quickly the effects of solitary confinement had crept up on him, almost pushing him into suicidal thoughts to escape from the life he had known here. But that was before Dean, before he had someone to go home to that would pull him close and take his pain away. He couldn't exactly tell how Dean felt, but he hoped that this straight man he'd been shoved into living with would accept his love for him, and realize that it didn't have to mean anything terribly intimate; Cas wasn't begging for sex here, but he needed Dean to know how much he cared for him, and how much he appreciated the guy being there for him when he came back damaged and hurting.

Dean, on the other hand had discovered that he was not happy anymore unless he felt the hard press of Cas' lean body pressed alongside his. He wasn't into men, he never had been, but the relish he took in seeing Castiel's face everyday astounded him. He looked back on the last two months, striving to connect them to the outside world, who he had been before he came here, and it seemed like a completely separate world; a separate time in which he had been another person entirely. Despite the groaning of his limbs he tucked his right arm- the less damaged one since he had been on his right side in the attack- under Cas' neck, pulling the man closer to him still.

"Now it's your turn to be gentle with me," he whispered, wiping at a tear that fell from Cas' cheek onto his chest. "Cas this wasn't your doing, so don't worry about it. It was a warning shot, telling you to stay away from Crowley. I'm not mad; I was honestly more upset over what Baz was going to do to you!"

The smaller man shook his head vigorously and hid his face in the junction of Dean's arm, not wanting to see the damage anymore. "Dean, you know what solitary does to most people right?" he felt Dean's neck crane to look down over at him, and a low oath from between his lips stilled the movement.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean that…for most people in solitary confinement they start thinking…about death a lot. And it crept up on me. I…I have to admit that I thought about it a time or two, how everyone would be better off without me here. I mean, you-" He was cut off by a surprising surge of energy from Dean, the injured man throwing their weight so that Cas was pinned to the mattress and Dean was hovering above him, staring directly into his face. Cas bit his lip hard, knowing how much this position must be hurting him.

"Don't you dare _ever_ start thinking like that, Castiel. You are all that I have now, and you are NOT going to leave me here alone, got it?" eh growled in Cas' face. When Cas finally nodded he slid off, resting on his side. Cas wiggled so that they faced each other and traced the tired lines under his roommate's eyes as they slid closed.

"Dean I-" he was cut off.

"Let me tell you something," Dean interrupted, pressing his unbroken hand to Cas' lips. The smaller man stilled instantly. "When I came here I was a mess, but I can tell you that since I've known you my bad dreams have been less intense and I've been more at peace than I ever have been before. I know that you don't need to hear this after the last few months, what you've been dealing with, but Cas I swear to God it feels like I'm falling for you and it scares the shit out of me." he stopped when he felt Castiel tense up, worrying his lip and looking back at his roommate through his lashes.

"You…you're falling in love with me?" Cas stammered, his fists tight in front of his chest. Dean nodded feebly, crying again, his body throbbing in one unanimous heartbeat. Cas bit his lip, tears welling up as he fought a tight smile. "Dean I…that's what I intended to say to you." He looked down at his hands, seeking out Dean's bandaged ones and holding them gingerly. "And it's been more like five years on the Balthazar thing. Since I got here anyway." Dean's eyes widened, but he was too tired to fight sleep anymore, his body demanding rest so it could heal. Before his eyes slid all the way closed, however, he nuzzled forward to set his forehead against Castiel's, seeking out a kiss.

Castiel laughed gently, tilting his head and matching his lips to Dean's fervently. They were soft and full and…just everything he could have imagined. So different from what he'd become accustomed to in here. Dean's cool nature and gentle caring had made him fall hard. Luckily he fell right into his arms instead of on this hard cement ground.

**remember to review! keep 'em coming lovelies!**


	5. the one where things were looking up

**hooooooooooookay guys, here we go :) dont forget to gimme the feedings, i absolutely love reviews, even if i get too busy to answer them! another story in the works, and i'm polishing up this one! xoxoxo**

**Chapter 5: the one where things were looking up**

Dean woke with a start to the sound of the doors buzzing, signifying that they were unlocked. He stretched out his sore body and patted around beside him for Castiel. The smaller man was awake, and had been for some time, but he lay there on his back quietly, running a finger over the cool metal of the collar Balthazar had forced on him. Dean wrapped a bandaged arm around his waist and pulled him close, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his neck. Cas huffed and gave into the feel of gentle hands on his skin, marveling at how different it felt from the rough hands he'd become accustomed to. Dean rolled slightly, despite his screaming muscles and landed partially on top of Cas, pressing kisses along the underside of his jaw down to his collar bones. When his breath was coming uneven he pushed up onto his knees, dragging his mouth further down until his hot breath ghosted over Cas' waking erection. The smaller man stilled completely, not sure where Dean was going with this.

"Want to go shower or stay? You probably need re-bandaging," he said to Dean who remained silent, running his fingers absently over the skin at Cas' hip. It tickled, and Castiel wriggled away laughing, deciding to lug Dean to the nurse's station after cleaning up whether he liked it or not. Dean protested the movement, groaning loudly as he was made to sit up and then stand after having been lying down for an entire day. Cas slung Dean's arm over his shoulders and half dragged him down to the locker rooms, taking a change of clothes each for them since Dean was still in his bloodied jeans.

They got halfway down the hall when an orderly stopped them, making Dean sit in a chair along the hall and Cas stand with his back to the wall opposite. Dean feebly raised a hand to silence Cas when he started to protest, throwing him a furtive wink as Balthazar came round the corner a moment later, clipboard in hand.

"What's going on this morning, gentlemen?" he asked, stopping about a foot away from Dean and leaning down to inspect some of his cuts and breaks.

"Heading to shower, Baz," Castiel asked, a hard tone slipping into his voice. Balthazar turned to him with a forced smile.

"Don't get feisty, Castiel. He needs to see the nurse after you clean up, and then I'll be by to give him some pain meds so he can sleep it off." With that the doctor turned and left, taking the orderly with him. Cas went back over to Dean, helping him up.

"Well that was weird, right?" Dean huffed, being pulled back to his feet. Cas nodded, once again shouldering Dean's weight which was definitely more than his own.  
"He was seeing if we were "together" like everyone says. He's a jealous type, that's why all the injuries with me happened last week. He's never been so uh…forceful before…" Cas trailed off, looking at the floor as they walked slowly through the rows of lockers. He leaned Dean against the wall opposite the shower wall and took his clothes off, carefully unwrapping the bloodied bandages and the one holding his fractured ribs together. Soft whimpers escaped Dean's lips as Cas did this, choking back his own anger at the men who'd done this. If they hadn't done it to Dean they would have gotten him after what he'd done to Crowley.

Dean got pushed over to the showers after they discarded the old gauze, and Cas put him in their corner spot so he could lean on the wall better. The perpetrators were still in solitary, so there was no need to worry about watching their backs today. Cas stripped off his own clothes, going to the shower next to his roommate and turning the water on as hot as it would go.

Dean jumped when he felt the wet slap of a washcloth on his stomach and looked down, seeing Cas laugh as it stuck to his skin and slid down very slowly. "Can you wash yourself or do you need some… assistance?" he asked, a flirting blue eye twinkling up at him from where they had been locked on his cock. Dean blushed under the bruises on his face and drew in a breath, tugging the washcloth off his groin where it had slid to.

"I uh," the door opened and shut, "I can do it," he finished sadly, soaping up the washcloth and running it over his sore abs and his broken ribs gingerly. Castiel made a face at the newcomers to the shower room for spoiling his fun before he realized it was Jared and Gabriel. He smiled at them and looked back at Dean.

"Do you really think that _they_ are going to care or say anything?" he asked in a hot whisper against Dean's ear. The duo looked over to the couple who was completely ignoring them, grabbing at each other and being outright sexual about it.

Gabriel stood behind Jared, barely coming to the giant's shoulder blade, but he was running a soaped up washcloth all over his broad back. Jared leaned against the wall via his chest, letting his hands hang loose beside him and he let out a wanton moan as Gabe slid the washcloth between his firm cheeks, cleaning thoroughly.

Once again Dean blushed; watching the guy who looked so freakishly like Sam get his ass washed by a midget in the shower beside him was just a little past his comfort zone. He felt Cas's hands on him, helping him remain upright and noticed that he'd started to slide down the wall he was leaning against.

"For the record, I won't wash anything I haven't already come into contact with, if you need help," Cas muttered. He turned off his water and made to go dry off and change but Dean caught his wrist, nodding minutely. They had declared their feeling last night, but Dean wasn't exactly in top shape for anything intimate; and he was scared of the idea quite frankly.

The larger man flinched a little as Cas placed a bare hand on his shoulder, steadying him. "Shhh, you said it's my turn to care for you, so let me." Castiel laughed quietly, throwing a glance to Gabe who hung his mouth open and winked at them, his hand still between Jared's butt cheeks, making the giant of a man writhe against the wall like an animal. Dean was pretty sure at this point that Gabriel's fingers were in Jared's ass from the look on his face. Cas shook his head at them, turning Dean to run the soapy washcloth over Dean's shoulders gently, working his way down inch by inch until he was at his ass. He didn't dare dip between, but he ran the cloth an extra few times over the area, feeling the hard clench of the muscles as the man shook where he stood, finding it hard to stand from both the pain and his rapidly filling cock.

The smaller man squatted behind Dean, taking the rag down his legs and washing his feet as he came around, going back up the way he came down. He on purpose completely avoided Dean's dick, preferring to skim the edges of the base on his journey across Dean's hips. Cas didn't look at his face on purpose, but if he had he would have seen the barely constrained desire there, Dean's teeth practically sinking through his bottom lip. Cas re-soaped the washcloth, working it gently between the cut muscles on Dean's stomach and chest up to his lats and neck.

"There ya go," he finished, turning on his heel and going to dry off as he watched Dean wrestle with what to do now. Once dressed, Castiel went back to sit on the benches in the shower room where the orderlies usually sat and watched for fights, but there was none there that morning. Dean rinsed off, glaring at his fully hardened erection and cursing himself for not being alone. Like ever. He turned the water on cold and waited for it to die down, not daring to look at the spot where Gabriel was quite literally skull-fucking the snot out of Jared. He turned to Cas with a frustrated look, the man laughing back at him and tossing him a towel before helping him walk back to the bench where his clothes waited.

"Told you I'd only touched where I was allowed," he teased with a wink.

Once dressed and clean, the duo made their way to the nurse's room for re-bandaging. She wrapped the ribs too tight and Dean gasped, his eyes tearing up.

"Loosen it!" Cas cried, making the nurse jump.

"It has to be tight for them to set correctly. It's going to hurt for a bit but the doc says he's giving him a pain pill so shush," she retorted, glaring at Castiel.

Eventually they walked back to their room, Cas setting Dean gingerly on his bed just as Balthazar came in with and orderly carrying two cups of water and two small paper cups with pills in them.

"These are painkillers, and one muscle relaxer for your broken bones. They won't feel so tight if you take it." Baz thrust a cup each at Dean who sat up after some struggle. Castiel sat on his own bed, not willing to get too close to the doctor. After Dean took the pills Baz turned to Cas. "And here are your meds." When Cas didn't take them, simply dumbfounded, Balthazar looked over his shoulder to the orderly who walked out silently, shutting the door. "Since you didn't _like_ your prior treatment, I'm switching you to another… regimen. Take your pills, Castiel, or I'll have to get the orderly back in here and we'll _make you_." With a shaking hand, Cas downed the pills in the cup, tears welling in his eyes. "If you want to switch back, thinking that the pills make you feel… a bit out of control… just tell me at our next meeting Monday." Balthazar leaned down and cut Cas's orange band off, strapping on a red one with a MEDS: inscription and checking that the collar was on before smiling cruelly and striding back out. Dean noted that Baz locked the door as he left.

Dean struggled to sit up fully on his bed, leaning heavily against the wall. He looked over to Castiel who was curled into a ball on his own bed, his body eerily still. "Cas…you should come over here. I can't get over there." Dean whispered across the dead air, hoping that Cas would comply and come over to his bed; it was breaking his heart to see his friend so sad and not be able to reach him.

A few minutes later Castiel got up and walked on shaky legs over to Dean, slumping down next to him and curling carefully into his uninjured side. Dean wrapped his arm around Cas, trying to comfort him as best he could in his current state, the pain pills not having kicked in yet.

"You can throw them up, if you want to," Dean tried to offer. Cas shook his head sadly.

"That's why he locked the door, so I can't hide the vomit. He'd see the undigested pills and just make me take more. Or worse." Cas choked out a sob, pulling away from Dean's injured body while his body was wracked with frustrated sorrow. Dean felt the need to find Lily, and soon. But how would she get in with the door being locked? He laid there with Cas for a bit longer, the smaller man basically crying himself to sleep against Dean's chest.

Dean managed to wriggle out from under Cas, his injuries far from hurting now that he was doped up with the painkillers. He went to the door and peeked out of the window, cracking open the thick plastic pane so that he could call someone out from the hall.

"Gabe?" he called in a loud whisper, praying that the small man wasn't too far deep inside his huge lover to hear Dean's call. Jared came into the hall instead. He was barely within eyesight around the corner from them, but Dean managed to get his fingers out between the bars on the small pane, waving them to catch Jared's attention. The giant meandered over, looking around him to see if there were any orderlies in the hall.

"Yeah?" he asked, ducking down to whisper through the bars.

"Go find Lily, please. Cas is… Baz put him on meds today. He's not taking it well." Dean looked back to the figure on his bed. He turned back to Jared whose eyes were huge.

"Oh my God. Okay I'll go get her. How's she going to get in?" he asked, looking pointedly at the locked handle. Dean shrugged, sure the fiend would find a way. Jared nodded and turned down the hall for Lily's room.

"Jared…tell her to bring some cigarettes." He smiled and nodded.

Dean watched him as long as he could until the large man disappeared behind the corner, Gabriel flying out their door in hot pursuit. He went back to his cot, making sure that Castiel was still asleep. He felt a wave of exhaustion wash over him, the pain pills and muscle relaxer taking their toll. Lily came to the door less than a minute later, getting on tiptoe to peek in the cracked window. "Dean?" she asked in undertone. Apparently Jared had told her to be careful. He heard a key in the lock, and she came in, sticking her arm around the door to lock it back behind her before shutting it.

"How did you…?" Dean trailed off, looking at the key in her hand.

"Let's not get hung up on specifics. I got it, alright?" she said, winking at him and sitting on the bed beside Castiel. She ran a loving hand through his hair and he cracked an eye open, pushing himself up to sit against the wall with his legs crossed in front of him. Lily tutted, setting aside a crumpled pack of cigarettes and matches and the key, and crawled into his lap, the pixie like woman fitting there like she was meant to. He wrapped his arms around her torso and buried his face in her thick hair, letting the tears freely flow. Dean sank onto the bed, the tension in his muscles screaming at him every time he moved. After a few minutes Cas opened his eyes and leaned over to grab the pack of cigs and matches, lighting one up and taking a deep drag.

"What did he put you on?" she asked against his cheek, pressing a kiss there. Cas shook his head, blowing the smoke out of his nose. He relished the burn in his chest, the only thing keeping him under the knowledge that he was still in the present.

"He didn't say, he just said that if Cas felt like the other 'treatment' was better then he could go back. He mentioned feeling out of control…" Dean trailed off, answering for his roommate.

"He probably gave him some kind of relaxer and stimulant at the same time to freak out his body. The more they give you the worse it will get, Castiel." Cas had quieted at this point and nodded feebly against her neck, tightening his grip on her body.

Just then there was a loud knock on the door. It was Jared and Gabriel. "Guys!" they whispered loudly into the crack. "Baz is looking for Lily, get out now!" Lily jumped up, pushing the key through the window for the guys to unlock it. She blew the roommates within a kiss and disappeared again, locking the door back.

They sat in silence for a while, not really doing anything. Dean fell asleep on Cas's shoulder and he let the sore man stay there, pulling a book out of the nightstand to keep his mind busy. The shadow on the wall told him that it was nearing evening, and they had yet to eat. Just then a knock came on the door, a tray of food being brought in with enough food for one of them. Cas's brow furrowed. Were they starving him out?

Just as he opened his mouth to ask the orderly, the man turned and went out, fixing the window on the door back so that it was shut again. They were left alone in silence once again.

~0~0~

Balthazar came back every eight or so hours to give Dean more painkillers, and sent in orderlies to give Castiel his new medication twice a day. Every time he would drag Cas back to his own cot, and it got to the point, three days later, where Cas started simply keeping his distance from Dean when it got time to get medicine. Dean was weaned off the drugs by the end of the week, and Cas was feeling more out of control than ever. He'd had his collar removed, but refused to go to his meetings with Balthazar Monday morning for two straight weeks, faking illness or just flat out refusing. He'd been put in solitary one day, only to be brought back the next morning.

Their latest threat was moving him completely.

"Cas," Dean called from his cot one morning. "Get up, let's go for a walk or something, I'm bored." Cas shrugged and lay there, staring at the wall. Dean started to freak out; he'd never anticipated Cas succumbing like this—he was becoming a vegetable! Meanwhile, Dean had become the new target for Balthazar's advances, and although he shunned the man anytime he could, he tried to be nice because his best friend was now on the line. He had stopped eating, even when they _did_ bring him food, which was only once a day, so his weight had dropped tremendously and he wasn't big to begin with.

The third Monday after Cas had begun getting treatment was a "Lily morning". He woke up and kicked off his track pants, sitting on the bed Indian style like she liked, with a pillow in his lap because now he was so bony it was uncomfortable for her. He looked lazily over to Dean who was sitting on his cot in the same fashion, keeping an ear out for their friend in the hall. When she came in she was silent, brooding. Dean didn't like the tension so he tried to make small talk, getting nowhere.

"YA ne mogu tebe veritʹ, lyubitʹ! idem po etomu puti ne vash putʹ, i vy polnostʹyu popali v yego lovushku. YA razocharovan , po menʹshey mere," she practically shrieked at Cas, getting off his lap after the shaving and wiping her blade clean [trans: basically she says you're playing straight into Baz's hands]. She turned to Dean with a black glare. "Don't do anything," before he could ask she turned around and smacked Cas so hard across the face he literally fell over on his cot. Dean's face stung as he imagined how much it hurt, but he stayed on his own bed and just watched. Castiel needed a good slap in the face to jolt him out of his stupor just now.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR, YOU BITCH?" he screamed, kicking to get back upright and face her. The whole left side of his face was red and throbbing, but he couldn't care less. Soon Jeffrey would be in with his medication and it would go away. Just like his mind. "Kakogo khrena vy ne mozhete prosto ostavitʹ menya v pokoye i pozvolitʹ yemu ot menya? nikto ne delayet!" tears drained from his eyes as he held a hand to his stinging face and tugged on his track pants.

"That is _not true_ Castiel. You have me, and Dean here. We both want you around. You're letting Baz win, and you're doing it with flying colors. Do you know that he's planning on moving you up a floor by next week, if you continue to refuse to go to your meetings?" Cas snapped his head up and glanced quickly to Dean.

"What? He ca-"

"He certainly can. And with the way you're acting he will." She snapped at him, gathering her things to leave. "Pozdravlyayem, lyubim. Vy budete po-nastoyashchemu tolʹko yesli vy ne prosnetes'." With that she left, not bothering to hang back for Dean's grooming.

They sat in silence for a while, eventually getting up to shower and meander around their small room. It ended with Cas snuggling up to Dean as he read a book and ignored the smaller man. He hadn't exactly been worthy of attention lately, so Dean didn't offer it. Instead of the usual orderly coming in to disperse meds, Baz came in with a particularly devious smirk on his face.

"Hello boys," he drawled, making Cas' skin crawl. "Castiel, I'd like you to know that I'll be taking you off the medication. For a price of course." Both boys looked at him, not wanting to know the price for gaining back your sanity. "Dean." Baz said the name pointedly, looking at Castiel not the mentioned person. "Or Lily, whomever you'd prefer to lose. It's not my decision though, is it? Come to your meeting with my answer, or you'll be moving upstairs tonight." And he left.

**gasp! what now? oh, some questions answered: LILY IS NOT A THIRD WHEEL, there is NO SEX BETWEEN HER AND THE BOYS :) just SYK darlings. never be shy to ask me questions, those are the reviews i make a point to answer!**

**dont forget to R/R!**


	6. The one where decisions don't matter

**Chapter 6: the one where decisions don't matter**

**Word to the cautious**: there is an implied abortion in this scene,_not because I agree with it but because it needed to happen to further the plot_**. Please be warned if you have a "triggery" personality. It is a sad chapter for a reason, as is the next one, so go get some tissues and review me :)**

"What the hell does that mean?" Dean balked at Castiel. They were still sitting on the same bed, but Dean had sat up to get a better view of Cas' face when he questioned him.

"It means that I'll either be moved, or I lose a friend for good. He can mean anything by that; betrayal…moving them…I'm not sure. Dean what do I do?" he looked so desperate, so broken that Dean sighed and made to lay down. He settled in next to his roommate and wound his arms around the smaller man.

A moment later he spoke against his skin, "That is up to you. What if he wants you to decide who his new sex slave is?" Dean asked. Immediately Castiel stiffened and pulled away to look at Dean. His eyes were wide with fear.

"Oh my God, what if that _is_ it?" he slapped a hand to his mouth. "I need to talk to Lily…" Dean watched as he trailed off and looked out the door. After a minute of silent deliberation, Cas turned and put a gentle hand on Dean's cheek, bending down to kiss him resolutely on the mouth. Dean blushed and looked at the sheets with a shy smirk, feeling the bed give as Cas left the room in search of the sex addict.

~0~0~

He found her in Chuck's room; well, rather he _heard_ the both of them in there, and decided to go wait her out in her room. She came in about twenty minutes later with a huge smile on her face, her fiery pink dread locks slightly wrecked.

"Cas, to what do I owe the very unphysical pleasure darling?" she teased, sitting on the bed beside him.

"Balthazar has made me a deal. He says that if I basically give you or Dean to him, for an unknown reason, I will be taken off my medication and left alone." Her eyes widened.

"Does he want one of us for-"

"I think so." She shrugged.

"So what? Tell him he can have me, I don't care. Is he any good?" she asked, poking him in the ribs. Cas blanched and looked back at her.

"He…uh… well when we first started it was good, I guess. But once he started getting jealous it got bad, more violent."

"Hmm. Well, only one way to find out. If that's what he actually wants then I'm game. I'll try anyone once." She smiled and winked at Cas, making him blush furiously. "Bah, go back to Dean you little twink, you're no good for me," she teased and pushed him off the bed laughing. He went with a lighter heart than he'd come in with, and travelled back to his and Dean's room with the good news.

~0~0~

"Balthazar, I've made my decision…conditionally." He started, sitting on the couch with his arms folded tightly across his chest. Baz had his fingers steepled in front of his face, chin resting on the thumbs.

"And what is the condition, which by the way you are in _no_ position to demand?" he asked. Castiel squirmed under his scrutiny.

"What do you want them for?"

"What do you think? Hmm? What did you come up with in that colorful little mind?" he narrowed his eyes at the patient.

"I figured you wanted another fuck-toy, since I caused too much fuss," he explained. Balthazar stilled his breathing for a solid minute. "And I would also like to petition to see another psych while I'm here. I think there is a conflict of interests between us." Cas relaxed his arms a bit, having gotten the worst part out.

"Jesus Christ, Castiel, is that what you think that was?" Cas nodded minutely. "You're wrong, it started out as a wicked attraction, one I couldn't shake, and when you reciprocated it made things harder to ignore. So I gave in! I never meant to hurt you, truly I didn't but I also held out some hope that maybe if you spurned my advances one day it would mean that you were getting better and I could have you evaluated to leave! I'm sorry that when you started to refuse I acted jealously and took you anyway." The doctor looked down at his hands. "But I suppose I should not act the victim here. I am sorry, and I will send you to be under Dr. Naomi if you wish. She'd the next level up; adult psychiatry." Cas nodded feebly. Balthazar nodded and took out a sheet of paper, filling it out and signing the bottom gracefully before calling in an orderly to take Castiel and the paper to Dr Naomi.

Her office was across the hall and down a few spaces from Balthazar, so Cas had to pass Dean waiting in the hall for him. He'd already had his meeting. Naomi was a strict-looking woman, very severe, but she was not unkind. Castiel shook as she looked over the paper and sighed, rubbing her temple absently.

"So why did you ask to be moved, Mr. Novak?" she asked, tucking the paper away in a desk drawer and closing it with a snap. Cas swallowed hard and tried to come up with something.

"I was admitted because my father found out I was a homosexual and wanted me 'cured'" she made a face at him, and he didn't know if it was for him being gay or at his father's decision. "Dr Balthazar felt that the best way to treat me was to make me have forced sex with…males… and try to make me not like it. I got sick of the treatment, and I don't think I have a curable problem, so I asked to leave. He also put me on medication that was designed to mess me up so that I would be more compliant in these situations." The new doctor's eyes widened and she blinked a few times before beginning again.

"Okay. So, are you still feeling the homosexual urges?" she asked, pulling out a pen and legal pad. Castiel sighed and rested his head on his fist, elbow on the arm of the couch.

"Yes, ma'am. I don't understand how someone can be allegedly cured of this, if it is possible at all I must be particularly resistant."

"Castiel, that is not the question. Do you _want_ to be cured of this? Do you want to not be gay?" she asked, scribbling furiously on the yellow paper. Cas froze. He'd never had a doctor ask him this.

"No, I want to be left alone." He answered plainly. She nodded and gave a tiny smile.

"Alright then, go on back to your roommate and I'll figure something out for you."

Castiel stood up, feeling better than he had in a while, and went into the hall. Dean was leaning against the opposite wall and kicked off of it when he saw Cas. "What happened?" he asked, wrapping his arms around Cas when the smaller man nestled into his chest.

"Baz had me transferred, and I think this lady, Dr Naomi, is going to be great. She basically agreed that if I don't want to be straight I don't have to be…" he trailed off, pressing a shy kiss to Dean's throat.

"Really?" Cas nodded. "That's wonderful… come on, let's go get some breakfast." He took Castiel's hand and led him down to the canteen.

Behind them, Balthazar stood in his doorway worrying his lip as he watched the retreating figures. Lily bounced up to his door, ready for her meeting with a huge grin. He smiled back weakly and let her in, closing the door tight behind her.

~0~0~

A couple months later, things were looking better than ever. It was spring time and the patients were allowed outside to garden and lounge in the lush grass, and Dean and Castiel had only gotten closer with Cas' rediscovered self esteem under the guidance of Dr Naomi.

They were presently sprawled out together with Jared and Gabriel on a blanket under the oak tree outside their rooms. They had taken lunch from the canteen out there, and were feeding each other and laughing raucously when Lily found them.

"Privet dorogaya," Castiel said to her. She smiled, a strained look on her normally bubbly appearance. He furrowed his brow and sat up from where he had been leaning into Dean's broad chest. "Poetomu dlinnoye litso segodnya?" [translation: hello darling; why the long face today?]

She sat next to him instead of his lap like usual, another warning sign. Her eyes glanced over the other three men and rested back on Castiel. "Vy mozhete priyti razgovor na mgnoveniye, lyubitʹ?" [Trans: can you come talk to me for a moment, love?] Cas nodded, half turning to give Dean a kiss before getting up and walking away with her. She sat on a stone bench near the building with no one around, and Cas sat next to her, wondering what it could be about.

"I think I'm pregnant…" she looked at her lap, tears falling freely in her misery and fear.

"How? I thought they sterilized all the females when you get admitted?" he asked, completely taken aback. She shook her head weakly.

"I'm going to try to take care of it; I just wanted someone to know. It was Balthazar, if you were wondering. And I don't know about the sterilization, they just give us these pills that are supposed to kill our eggs or something." She got up and went to her room silently. Castiel stayed there worrying, at a loss for what to do.

~0~0~

The next morning, Castiel woke snuggled across Dean's chest. The larger man was still sound asleep, and it was still dark outside. Cas sat up gently and looked out their door's window before crawling back onto the bed under the covers. He looked up to Dean's face again and saw him still snoring away, so he burrowed under the blanket until he was face-to-face with Dean's groin.

Dean shifted in his sleep at the different weight distribution, muttering and dozing back off. Castiel laughed against his pajama pants and nuzzled Dean's balls through the thin fabric. Within a few seconds his cock started to harden, and Cas slowly hooked his fingers in the waistband of Dean's pants, tugging them down to his knees.

The larger man woke with a snort and looked around before looking down the covers where a head-shape was bugling over his morning wood. "Cas!" he hissed, reaching under the blanket. His hand was smacked away and the perpetrator's other hand closed around the base of his dick. Dean's breath caught in his throat and he growled deep in his chest when a small hot mouth closed over the engorged head suddenly.

"Oh sweet Jesus that mouth…ah!" he moaned, reaching his hands under to fist in Castiel's soft downy hair. He bucked a few times, groaning in approval when Cas swirled his tongue over the tip and sank down, squeezing the head with his tonsils. Dean jumped when a finger wiggled between his cheeks, probing gently at his virgin hole. A hum of approval from Castiel sent him over the edge, "Cas! I'm gonna…oh…ungh!" he cried as he came hard down Cas' throat. The smaller man swallowed every drop and licked the softening cock from base to tip, cleaning it off with his mouth. Dean trembled beneath him, carding his hands gently and finally hooking his hands in Cas' armpits to drag him up the length of his body to rest on his chest.

"Good morning," Cas said shyly, nestling into the crook of Dean's neck. Dean laughed and rolled them, effectively pinning Cas on bottom with the upper half of his body.

"Good morning, indeed. What got you up so early? I know it wasn't my cock, 'cause he wasn't up 'til you woke him up," Dean's accent drawled out in his half-awake state. Castiel blushed and his eyes locked on Dean's lips. The younger man smiled and dipped down to delve into Cas' mouth, tasting himself some and reveling in the slowly hardening member trapped beneath his stomach. He pulled back and looked down at Cas' erection, smiling. "Was it yours? Did you have a naughty dream about me?" he asked. The furious blushing from his roommate gave him his answer, and he laughed, sliding his left hand down Cas' lean torso to palm him through the pajama pants. "What did you dream about, angel?" he asked, mouthing Cas' stomach muscles and making them clench rhythmically.

"Y-you," he stammered, looking down to see the top of Dean's short hair and flexed unintentionally at the sensation of Dean sucking pink marks across his belly.

"Hmm. What about me?" Dean moved his head up a bit, latching onto Cas' left nipple and flicking it with his tongue.

"Ah! I uh…" Cas was gyrating his pelvis helplessly under Dean's pinning arm. "I dreamed that you um… let me top?" he admitted, his breath hitching when Dean bit down out of surprise.

Dean's head snapped up and he looked at Cas with wide eyes for a second before checking himself. "Uh…huh?" Cas smiled knowingly.

"Don't fret, love it was a dream. You've been so patient not pressuring me for anything, I wouldn't dare push you into sex if you're not ready." He wriggled so that he was face-to-face with Dean and pressed a kiss to his lips. The doors buzzed a second later, prompting the duo to go get showers.

Once in there, Dean surprised Cas by getting under the same shower head as him instead of his own. There was no one in there yet, so he turned Castiel and pressed his back against the wall, dropping to his knees. Cas looked around them quickly, hissing, "Dean you don't have to- oh dear lord…" He gave into the sensation, letting Dean do as he pleased. Being straight his whole life, and despite a few earlier trials, Dean had no skill whatsoever. Regardless Castiel relaxed and let him go for it, happy for his eagerness to try. He leaned back against the wall and loosely rested his hands on Dean's shoulder, letting him take control of the movements.

"Ah! Not so much teeth, darling," he whispered, jumping when the offensive bones scraped over his over-sensitive head. Dean pulled back and made a face before bobbing back down, sucking in his cheeks. "Oh sweet baby Jesus," Cas cried, trying to recall the last time someone went down on him; it had to have been before he got sent in. Baz certainly never had. "Dean, I…I'm gonna, unh!" he groaned, digging his nails into Dean's shoulders as he came. The larger man pulled back at the wrong second and sent come shooting over his chest as Cas slid down the wet wall and landed at Dean's knees, legs splayed out to either side.

"Oops," he whispered, chuckling breathily. Dean licked his lips and sat there, letting the hot water beat on his chest to wash away the semen. He inspected Cas in that moment, watching him catch his breath and sit on the shower room floor, hands lying in his lap uselessly.

Dr Balthazar had stopped talking to him altogether, at the request of Dr Naomi. Cas had thus started eating again and was getting close to being back at his usual weight, but Dean noticed the subtle differences in the way his ribs still showed, the lack of muscle tension under the skin, his hips being the most distorted in how they poked out. He made a mental note to take him running or something to build up a bit of that lean muscle again.

"You better get up," he muttered, standing and leaning down to help Cas up by his elbow. They'd heard the door open, and Dean moved over to get under his own shower head when Jeffrey came running around the corner.

"Dean! Castiel! Come quick, I'll explain on the way!" he gestured at them to follow him, waving frantically.

The roommates ran to dry off and throw their pants on, running through the corridors after Jeffrey as he rounded to the hospital wing. "Lily is in bad shape. She did something to herself last night, I'm not sure, but we found her in a huge pool of blood after I saw some leaking out from under her door during rounds." Castiel gasped, remembering her previous conversation about being pregnant.

"Oh God," he clasped a hand to his mouth and looked sideways at Dean. They were ushered into a room with curtains separating the beds, and Lily was there, hooked to an IV and a bag of blood, trying to give her a transfusion. Dean's eyes were huge, but he stayed behind Castiel, letting the smaller man approach her first.

"Dorogaya , chto ty sdelal?" [darling what did you do?] Cas whispered, stretching out a hand to lay it on her forehead. He spoke in Russian so that she would tell him the truth, knowing that no one else here spoke it.

"Veshalka ... eto ne rabotayet. YA dolzhen rasskazatʹ vam svoyu istoriyu , prezhde chem ya umru" she whispered through white lips, drawing in a haggard breath. [coat hanger…I need to tell you my story before I die].

"You are not going to die!" he replied vehemently. She smiled weakly and beckoned the roommates closer. Dean sat on the foot of her bed and Cas sat directly in front of him, drawing Dean's hand around his waist for grounding. Lily stretched out a hand and laid it in Cas' lap; he took it between his own.

"Let me tell you my story."

**remember to review lovely readers! xoxo!**


	7. the one with Lily's story revealed

**Chapter 7: the one with Lily's story revealed**

**Warnings: this chapter has references to child beatings and molestation, including one alluded to underage sex scene. Please consider this before continuing!**

**please R/R when you're done!**

"When I was a child, barely even three, my parents got killed by a Nazi in World War 2. We were licing in Nazi Germany, and my father was a proud member of the Third Reich Youth civilian team. The Nazi was clearing the houses of civilians so that the armies could take the food and clothes, and my parents refused to leave, citing that they were not Jewish and he couldn't make them do anything. My father even tried to go back in and get his swastika arm band to prove to the soldier, to no avail. He shot them dead without blinking, before my father could get inside, and kept on moving, leaving me sobbing in the street alone. I was picked up by a British soldier who was helping gun down the Nazi in the streets, and he took me back to their base camp. After all, I could hardly be a guilty party, I was barely knee-high. His orders were to have me taken to a camp where the Allies were placing orphaned children under British supervision. It was there I learned English for the first time. At my age, I was put up for adoption almost immediately, after they coaxed out of me that I had seen my parents killed by a Nazi. I was adopted by a very kind-looking man from Norway, and he took me there after the war ended, having kept me in the Irish countryside until then. I was now about five, and we went to live in his huge house in the freezing cold north.

"This is where my tale turns dark. When we got to Norway, I was taken to his house, not thinking that anything in the world would happen except that we had simply moved for safety reasons. Not two days later a man came for me, a huge hairy rude man, who grabbed me by the upper arm and literally dragged me out onto the street. I screamed, not knowing what else to do, I had not been so scared or so manhandled since my parents' death. In retribution for my screams echoing in the quiet streets, I got slammed face-first into the side of his car. It knocked me out; I was shoved bodily into the car, and I know now that there was a money exchange at that time.

"I was taken to Russia, and we train-hopped to Moscow where the commander, Joseph Stalin was leading his armies to occupy eastern Germany. I was taken into a room and left there with a woman who never spoke to me, for several hours until I was starving and crying from exhaustion and fear. The man who had bought me and brought me here came back inside and picked me and my little bag up, carrying us both in each hand to another room with a bed in it. I know now that I was inside the base of the Kremlin building.

"For the next ten years I was made to clean and be silent, occasionally learning conversational Russian from the other maids, and at night I was never alone. There were a few men who came for me, to run their fingers over my naked body or to put them in me, but I was never _penetrated_ until I turned fifteen. On my fifteenth birthday I was woken up at four a.m. by a maid who bustled me into a washroom and took off my clothes, scrubbing me from head to toe until I was pink and raw. I was dressed in traditional Russian dress, a fur hat crammed on my head and my feet stuffed into furry boots as I was led to another building. I had not been outside _at all_ in the ten years that I lived in the Kremlin as a maid, but I hadn't the time to inspect the grey snowy sky as I was taken into what I can now safely call an auction. I was bid on by men until one made such an offer that no one else could go higher. I was a certified virgin, and I was very pretty; I'd had no tattoos then, and had long blonde hair that was straight and shiny. I found out while I was being pushed onto the bidder's train car that I was the highest bid that night, and I should be happy. "Happy for what?" I wondered.

"The man who'd effectively bought me summoned for me a few minutes into the train ride, and he took my virginity in a violent manner which I will not explain here. After that I was rat bait, servicing any and all of the men in his mansion who required a rub before they went back to tending the grounds. I was called a "comfort girl" a phrase which I hadn't heard until I came to America, as it was used for black slave women before the 1900s who were pretty, but not clean or unscathed enough for the household services.

"I managed to escape in 1958 by stealing one of the government cars in the middle of the night and a lot of clothing from my owner's wife. I rode east as far as I could, jumped down into Mongolia, and then into China where I worked in rice paddies until I was deported to the US after being declared a missionary. I was told that I was very lucky to have not been killed by a Red Guard for being counterrevolutionary to their cause, but I took my luck where I could get it. When I arrived here I started up the only profession I knew: prostitution. One of my own gave me up to get out of the clutches of the Law, and I was sent here after a stint in jail did no good."

Lily finally silenced, a wavering hand seeking the cup of water on the tray hovering over her chest. Castiel sat there staring at her for a solid minute, unable to speak.

"What about your scars?" Dean asked, his mind snapping into gear before Cas' did.

"Ha, they are from the owner. He had a, uh…appreciation for the darker side of sexuality. One day he dipped a whip in whale fat and lit it on fire, tied my arms around a tree trunk, naked, so I couldn't run and whipped me. He got off on it, came down my ruined back, and left me there to be licked clean by the farm's herding dogs. A few of the men came and rutted on me while I was tied up, digging their dirty fingers into the wounds when I cried out or fought them. I had them covered with tattoos when I came here so that people wouldn't ask." She fell into silence once again. Dean had been silenced by disbelief and awe, and Castiel had silent tears running down his face.

Several hours later, she fell into a coma, and died in the middle of the night with Cas holding her hand in a death grip. Dean was sitting in the chair beside the hospital bed when he heard the wrecked sob of his roommate echo through the ward.

Dean pulled his hand off of hers so that the doctors could take her and clean her up, do an autopsy, and send her off for burial. He literally had to scoop Cas up off her gurney like a child and carry him bridal-style back to their room.

"Cas, I'm so sorry, angel… shhhh," he murmured over and over, tucking the smaller man under his chin and squeezing him tightly. Cas held onto Dean with a vice grip, arms curled around Dean's stomach and legs wrapped around one leg like he was going to die too. Dean longed for Lily to come and set him straight again, to curl her tiny body into Cas' lap and let him cry out the pain with his best friend. But Dean _was_ his best friend now, and he was up to bat. He turned them so that they lay on their sides, facing each other, and pulled Cas close so that they were barely a breath apart. Soon Cas fell asleep, tear

tracks drying salt lines down his cheeks as he burrowed deeper into Dean's arms.

~0~0~

Dean woke up a few hours later to Cas tracing abstract patterns onto his chest, where he was eyelevel with Dean's pectoral. Dean looked to the darkened sky outside the window before he squeezed him tight and lowered his head, seeking a kiss from the smaller man. Cas smiled sadly and kissed him, pushing on his chest so that Dean rolled to his back. He fisted his hands in tufty black hair as Cas slid on top of him, naked, tugging down the larger man's sleep-pants.

"Cas-"

"Shh," Castiel shushed him, pressing his fingers over Dean's mouth. "Open me up," he whispered, taking Dean's hands, cupping his own ass with one and putting two fingers of the other in his mouth to get them wet. Dean's breath hitched beneath him, kicking his legs to get the pants off.

"Do you-"

"I said hush, Dean," Cas corrected him, letting his moistened fingers go and dipping down to silence Dean with his mouth. His roommate's hand went down, each hand gripping Cas' thin thighs and scooting him up Dean's chest so he could reach better. His hand went down and he pulled back from Castiel's mouth to look between his legs and his own stomach to guide his hand to Cas' opening. He sank his middle finger, working it in while Cas sat back, pushing against Dean's hand rhythmically.

Dean marveled at the tightness, never having done anything with a man before, and he pulled Cas down for another kiss as he sank in his first finger.

"De-Dean, do…this," Cas moaned between kisses, holding up his hand and scissoring the fingers. Dean repeated the movement inside Cas and he threw his head back, biting his lip to stifle a groan when Dean rubbed over his prostate.

"What was that?" Dean asked, repeating the motion. Castiel trembled and clenched against his fingers as Dean toyed the spot, relishing the look on his roommate's face.

"Prostate," Cas choked out. Dean's eyes widened and he looked down to see his own hardness bumping against Cas' and he wondered if it really did feel that good. Castiel bucked up, effectively pulling out Dean's fingers and sliding down the length of his body to swallow down his cock, making it wet for future use. Dean's hands fisted on the sheets as he let Castiel do what he wanted to his body. He had to remember that Cas was hurting much more than he was about Lily's death, and he needed the physical reassurance right now. Or maybe he was just horny and wanted it out of his system. Dean tried not to dwell on it as he felt Castiel crawl back up his body, lining up Dean's sizeable cock with his entrance.

"Ready?" Dean took a deep breath and nodded. There was a first time for everything, and he was more than happy to have _this _first with Castiel. His little angel. "Keep your mouth shut, Dean, don't want the orderlies coming in, do we?" Dean shook his head and bit his lip as Cas sank down on him, sheathing him in tight heat.

"Oh, God," Dean groaned, bucking up slightly when Cas bottomed out. "Ca-_Cas!_" he screamed in a whisper, terrified that Jeffrey or someone would come in and ruin everything.

"Shhh, Dean, just let me take care of you," Cas whispered, beginning to move his hips in small circles. He was teasing Dean, keeping him seated deep but also keeping the movements slow and tortuous. Dean let this go on for an extra minute, letting Cas control the movements, before he made his move.

Cas pulled back into a sitting position, cowgirl style on Dean's lap and the larger man surged forward, wrapping his arm tight around Cas' lower back, one hand supporting his weight by his ass, and stood swiftly. He brought them back down in the opposite position so that Castiel was gently laid on his back, legs wrapped tight around Dean's hips as they ground into him. His pupils dilated with lust, and his breaths drew short as Dean shifted his hips and pounded into him with all the painful fervor he needed right now.

Cas exploded, coming in bursts all over his chest and Dean smeared the cooling fluid when he ducked down for a kiss, filling Cas from within with his own seed as his hips stalled to a stop when he was seated as far deep as he could be in his roommate. Dean nuzzled his face into Cas's throat, kissing the vein as it pulsed under his lips, a smile pulling at his lips as Castiel's breath hitched and slowly panned out to even.

With a groan Dean withdrew from Cas, settling down beside him on the narrow cot.

"What was that for?" Dean asked, speaking against Cas' soft skin as the smaller man rolled to face him.

"I wanted to," he shrugged. "I figured if I eased you into it by letting you top first I'd eventually get my way," Dean smirked at his shy look and pressed his fingers under Cas' chin, making him look up.

"I'm sure you will, you tease, especially now that I know how amazing _that_ was." Cas blushed and burrowed into Dean's chest to hide his face while the larger man laughed and held him tight. "Do you think we're…boyfriends, Cas?" the smaller man stilled, not answering before he drifted off; Dean sighed and stayed silent. They fell asleep that way, waking a in a few short hours to the doors buzzing.

~0~0~

"Well, I think they did it last night, what do you think munchkin?" Jared asked his boyfriend slyly. Dean and Castiel had walked in to the shower room to find the other notorious couple already in there, soaping each other up. Dean blushed furiously and went to the corner spot, turning his water on full heat to get the dried come off his chest.

Castiel on the other hand simply winked at the other two and got under Dean's shower head with him.

"Would you be willing to repay me a wash today, love?" he whispered, looking up at Dean through his lashes with anything but innocence dancing in his blue eyes. Dean grimaced at his filling dick and snatched the washcloth out of Cas' hand.

He pushed Cas' back up against the wall under the spray and soaped up the washcloth, swiping at the dried come on his chest while Cas stared back at him, bottom lip trapped between his teeth. Dean tried to ignore the eyes of the couple in the other corner and keep him own on Castiel's.

"Dean," Castiel interrupted his thoughts. The smaller man gripped his wrist and took the cloth from him gently. "Open me up," the whisper was hot against his ear as Dean sucked in a breath. He glanced at Gabe and Jared who were- of course- fucking not ten feet away from them. Gabe was leaning against the wall with his chest, bottoming this time, which never happened, and he winked at Dean as if he knew the man's inner conflict. Dean swallowed audibly and flattened his hands against the smaller man's lean chest, sliding them down Cas' body to grip under his ass and lift him up. Castiel wrapped his legs around Dean's waist and let himself be manhandled as Dean reached around behind him and pressed the pad of his middle finger against Cas' hole.

Cas relaxed instantly against his roommate's body as Dean's lips sought his own. "I'm not doing anything until you agree with me, Cas." He spoke softly against Cas' skin and cupped his ass firmer in both hands, making the older man squirm. He made a face at Dean and looked out of the corner of his eye at Gabe and Jared who were watching them fairly intently from their side of the shower. He pursed his lips at Dean and nodded minutely, assenting to their now-labeled relationship. Regardless of how it sounded, it made Castiel happy to finally have someone he wasn't ashamed to call _boyfriend,_ and right on the heels of the death of his best friend, it was a needed feeling to be wanted, and loved. Dean could barely restrain his grin as he pressed against Cas' chest, peppering his face and throat with kisses before settling on his lips.

"Oh, Lord, we're in the honeymoon phase now, aren't we?" Gabriel muttered, making Jared laugh quietly to himself. The couple turned off their water and left, letting the budding relationship in the corner take flight unwatched.

**dont forget the vittles! feedback please! **


	8. The one where balthazar makes a move

**Chapter 8: the one where Baz makes a move. Literally.**

**Chapter warnings: pure smut and nonsense until the end. Avoid if you wish.**

Dean lay in the darkened room for several hours after Cas had fallen asleep on his chest, simply thinking about his life and how interesting it had gotten in the last several months. He'd now been here almost a year, which meant Sam and Bobby had been dead for about a year and a half. He missed them terribly, but at the same time he felt a certain peace where he was just now. He thought about Castiel, his _boyfriend_ and how Bobby would have balked at the word if Dean had ever had the chance to tell him; Cas was all he had in this world now.

As if he heard the thought, his boyfriend woke, stirring on the mattress next to him in his sleep a bit before cracking an eye open and looking up. Dean smiled down at him and pressed a kiss to Cas' temple, which caused Castiel to pursue his lover's slowly waking erection.

"Cas-" he started before he was silenced with a messy kiss. The older man wound his arms around Dean, pressing their chests as close together as they could, barely giving each other time to suck in a breath before it was drawn back out by the other man's mouth.

"Hmm?" Castiel moaned the question, ducking his head to lick a stripe up the side of Dean's neck. The larger man cringed and sucked in a breath.

"We literally just fell asleep from this," he laughed breathily, avoiding the tickling fingers Cas ghosted over his ribs. "How can you be ready again?" in the darkness he felt Cas shrug as he began pressing slow, lingering kisses over Dean's shoulder and down his ribs. Before he knew it, Dean was on his stomach with his particularly horny boyfriend pressing his whole body against his own. He trembled with trepidation as Cas rubbed his cock against the seam of Dean's ass a few times, holding his weight up by hands firmly locked on either side of Dean's head. Hot breath and a sharp bite startled Dean out of his screaming thoughts, his shoulder instantly beginning to throb from the love-bite.

"Your body _keeps _me hard, Winchester," the smaller man murmured against his spine, causing goose bumps to ripple across his flesh. He smiled into the pillow and relaxed a bit, trepidation for what he knew Cas wanted was preventing him from getting at full mast, but his curiosity stoked his desire some more. Castiel's mouth had now descended to nip at the swell of Dean's ass, and he jumped at the sharp twinge of it before he felt long hands kneading the muscle. "Gonna let me have my way today, are you?" Castiel muttered, teasing Dean with a swipe of his little pink tongue at the base of his spine. It made his back arch, lifting his hips minutely, but enough for Cas to wriggle his hand between Dean's stomach and the mattress to grip his cock. A sharp gasp was ripped from his throat when he felt the unexpected touch, and Dean struggled to remain where he was, remembering that he had told Cas that he would eventually get to top.

"Ye-ahem-yes," he choked out, fisting the blanket in his hands on either side of his head. Castiel was now sitting on Dean's calves, admiring the view and running roaming fingers all along his thighs, ass, and lower back.

"Don't worry, I'll get you ready before anything happens," Cas reassured with a hard spank to Dean's ass, making the larger man _whimper_. Dean blushed at the noise he made, burying his face in the pillow at Cas' breathy chuckle.

Dean startled when Cas's thumbs worked between his cheeks, spreading them wide as he nestled down between his thighs and licked a tentative stripe up Dean's crack.

"Oh!" he cried, remembering to stifle the sound only after it was made, which earned him a bite from Cas. Dean bit his lip and shoved his face into the pillow deeper, so that his mouth was biting through the thin fabric to muffle his screams. And good Lord was he a screamer.

Castiel's ministrations were slow and thorough as he tongued Dean open, slicking up the anal virgin with all he had, working in fingers and tongue until Dean was a writhing mess beneath him. When he withdrew Dean whimpered, his hole clutching at Cas' fingers desperately. He had made sure to torment that sweet spot several times, to give Dean a taste of what he'd given Cas only a few hours before, and wondered about since their first time. Needless to say Dean was now a quivering mess of nerves, and Cas had a raging boner, knowing that he had put that desire into his boyfriend's bones.

"Ready?" he asked, earning a growl and a nod in response. "How do you want it, Dean?" Dean looked back over his shoulder curiously.

"I…I don't know," he answered, looking down the length of his body to Cas' bobbing erection.

"It's a bit more intimate on your back, but not easier. Like this it's tighter and will likely hurt more your first time, or on your knees is a bit more comfortable…" he trailed off, running a hand down Dean's spine and over the swell of his ass before he felt Dean shift to lie on his back. Cas smiled and crawled over his torso, peppering his face with light kisses as he pulled Dean's legs up to his chest and hooked his hands under the larger man's knees to hold them in position. Dean reached down between them and guided Cas' cock to his entrance, lining it up as Castiel pushed slowly in past the first ring of muscles.

Dean bit his lip almost to bleeding and breathed hard in and out of his nose. "Dean, breathe with your mouth," Cas corrected him, sinking in another harrowing inch.

"AH!" Dean grimaced and bit into his fist, doing as Cas instructed.

"I know it hurts right now, but I will make it feel _so good_ in just a minute, babe," Cas murmured, pulling out slightly to thrust back in gently, loosening the muscles a bit more in his movements. After a few shallow thrusts he sank in to the hilt, causing Dean to buck up from the discomfort. He could feel Cas inside, rubbing just against his prostate, and he writhed for the pressure on it.

"Move," he begged in a whisper, making Cas laugh quietly and comply. He brought his torso down so that he was hovering over Dean, a fist on either side of Dean's head on the mattress for support as he felt Dean's legs wind around him. He shifted his hips, pulling out almost entirely and snapping his hips forward to slap against Dean's ass and making him cry out loudly as Cas' long cock struck his prostate dead-on. This time Cas caught the scream in his mouth as he covered Dean's with his own, stifling the noise. Dean's legs clutched at his boyfriend around his slim waist, holing him as tight as possible with leaving room for the thrusts. Soon Cas' forehead was resting in the crook of Dean's muscled shoulder as he drove in and out, dragging them to a precipice of lust from which there was only one outcome.

Cas cried out as Dean's muscles milked him, setting off his violent orgasm. He hadn't been allowed to top in the last almost 6 years, and he had forgotten how amazing it felt to release inside someone, to feel the wet heat gripping you as your oversensitive member grew more and more sensitive to the sensations surrounding it.

Dean held off until felt Cas' wet heat gather within him and came hard, shooting thick ropes of semen across his belly and chest. Their breath came in tandem puffs in the dark silence for a moment, and ended with Cas dipping his head down to lap at Dean's cooling come across his chest. He slowly pulled out of his boyfriend, making Dean groan at both the loss and the soreness that Cas knew only too well.

"That was amazing… I may have to trade you positions permanently," Dean teased, pushing Cas onto his side so that he was laid across Dean's now-clean chest. The larger man pulled a face and remembered that he had to go see Dr Balthazar later today. "Ugh," he groaned.

Castiel's head perked up sleepily. "What, love?" he asked, shifting slightly to prop his head on his elbow to look down at Dean.

"I have to meet Baz in a few hours," he whined, burrowing his face in Cas' neck.

"I'm sorry. Maybe you can get switched to Naomi too?" he tried to boost the man's spirits, which was only partially effective before they fell back asleep for a few hours. The doors woke them up with their buzzing, prompting the young lovers to go get cleaned up.

~0~0~

Dean had the ever-so-fun conquest of fingering himself open to get Cas' seed out of him in the shower. Thankfully, Castiel helped (after a good bout of laughing, mind) and soon they were redressed in their seats and t-shirts, headed off to their Monday meetings with Baz and Naomi.

"Good Morning Dean," Balthazar muttered from behind his desk. He had his fingers steepled in front of him like usual, but there was something amiss in his face. He had been getting progressively thinner since Lily's death, no doubt knowing that it was his fault, and his demeanor had gotten significantly more pathetic. Half the time Dean felt like he was analyzing Baz more than the other way around.

"Good Morning," he returned, sitting on the squishy couch.

"Dean, do you recall an aunt of yours named Ellen? A friend of…" he picked up a yellow sheet of law paper and squinted at it before relaxing back in his chair again. "Bobby Singer's?" Dean nodded minutely. Balthazar sighed and stuck his thumb and forefinger in his eyes, rubbing them hard before he continued. Dean didn't want him to; he knew what he was going to say, and his blood ran cold.

"she and her daughter are your next of kin now, after much time was taken to track them down. Her and her daughter are flying in in the morning to pick you up. you're no longer sanctioned to stay here." Balthazar wouldn't look at him, and it infuriated the older Winchester.

"What if I…can I refuse to go?" he pleaded. He couldn't bear the thought of being torn away from Cas, not for a second!"

"Sadly no, you see we are for the mentally unhealthy and behaviorally challenging here, you do not fit these descriptions. Now I am sorry to tear you away from your best friend, but he belongs here, and you simply do not." Dean was dumbfounded, searching for any kind of way to get Cas out along with him. Balthazar would never let him go, he realized.

"What if…." He trailed off, not wanting to cause cas any further harm after he left, especially Baz' form of "medicine." "What if we have been sleepoing together? Can I stay if I declare myself gay?" he asked, whispering the words.

"You could, but I don't believe you. At any rate, the two of you are bad for each other and I can no longer let you feed off one another as you have been for the last year. Ellen and Jo will be here to get you by 7 am in the morning, go ahead and see your friends one last time, because you'll be across the country by noon tomorrow." He waved his hand and Dean and sent him out to the hall to await Castiel in complete numbness as he was talked Dr. Naomi.

~0~0~

"I just can't get the feeling out of my head that things are finally going to be okay." Castiel said with a smile, looking out Dr Naomi's window at a bird in the crepe myrtle tree outside. Naomi hummed and scribbled on her notepad before asking a few more questions absently:

"How are you two doing? Have you slept together/et cetera" were all asked in turn, making Cas blush furiously a few times and nod silently a few other times. She seemed happy with the development. She was mildly taken aback when Dr Balthazar came in without knocking. He thrust a piece of paper in front of her face rudely, not bothering to even look at Cas. The small brunette craned his neck back to see out the door where Dean had his head in his hands, almost bowed down between his knees. A tear fell to the tile floor below and Castiel started to get up when a gasp from Naomi called her back to his attention. He was staring at the paper, and glanced up at Cas then to Baz before signing the bottom and handing it back to him with a barely controlled expression. Baz stomped back out of the room and slammed the door, effectively blocking Dean from Cas' vision.

"What's wrong with Dean?" he asked, eyes going wide as he once again made a move to leave the room. She held up a hand to stop him.

"Castiel, wait. I'll let him tell you, just…please promise me that you will not do _anything_ rash." He scowled at the request but agreed, and she dismissed him with a slight nod.

Castiel tore out of the room, dropping to his knees in front of Dean in the hallway. "Dean?' he asked, worried now. Dean shook with tremors and tears streamed down his face in rapid succession. "Come on," Cas chided, helping his boyfriend stand and walk back to their room.

The two promptly collapsed on Cas' cot, Dean practically going into convulsions before he could catch his breath and answer.

"They-they are kicking me out. Ellen is coming to pick me up in the morning and take me back to her house for good," he choked out between gasping breaths. He still couldn't fully believe it himself, and he knew Cas was about to have a fit. He had to be the big brother here, had to straighten up to shoulder Cas' pain now.

"Wh…what?" he stammered, drawing back from Dean like he'd bitten him.

"My dad's close friend, well, his widow and daughter, Ellen and Joanna, live in Nebraska. They're considered to be my legal next of kin now, and are coming to pick me up in the morning. There's nothing I can say or do to stay here, Cas. I've tried. I even old Baz we were sleeping together, he didn't buy it." Dean snuffled and clutched to Castiel, holding him tight despite the other's blatant refusal for physical contact.

He was hurt.

"I swear to God Cas, I'm going to figure out how to get you out. I love you so much…there's no way I'm living out there without you. You've changed me so completely…I-I'm so sorry…" Dean trailed off, trying to catch his breath. It kept catching in his throat, and before he knew it he was hiccupping. Castiel had yet to say a word, and Dean hazarded a glance up where his boyfriend's face was aimed firmly at the ceiling.

"Cas?" he whispered, rubbing his hand over the lean stomach under him. Cas barely acknowledged the gesture, blinking twice and looking down at Dean with hollow eyes.

"I suppose you'd like one last good fuck before you're set free?" Cas' voice was low and gravelly, betraying the feelings he was trying to suppress.

"Castiel Novak, don't you dare! You have no right to be angry; I didn't do this on purpose by any means!"

"That doesn't sway the fact that you're leaving me tomorrow and I'll likely never see you again, no matter how hard you try!" he leapt off the bed, nearly dumping Dean on the floor in the process. Cas tore at his hair, pacing the tiny cell and trying his damnedest to not scream.

Everyone had left him! His family disowned him when they found out he was gay. Lily died on him. Now Dean, the only love he'd ever truly had in his miserable, cooped up life was leaving him. Just after everything had gotten so good! _What the FUCK!_

Dean sat helplessly on the bed. He hadn't expected Castiel to take it so badly. He knew it was a slim chance, but Dean would never leave him here, and even if Ellen refused to help him he'd find a way to get Cas out, he'd do anything. The larger man simply sat on the bed, and waited out Cas' tantrum. When he showed little sign of calming down, Dean tried to hold him.

"Get out of my sight, _Dean_" Cas spat, refusing to look at him or let Dean touch him at all.

"I'll…just go say goodbye to everyone," he whispered, pausing at the door when he heard a choked:

"I don't care, go wherever you want. As long as I don't have to see your face anymore, I'll be happy."

Dean bit his lip and walked the second floor, saying his goodbyes to Gabe and Jared, pausing to wave to Chuck who shuffled around his room, knocking over at least two chest-high stacks of notebooks, and finally pressed a particularly tattered leather bound book in his hand and told him to "read it when he was gone."

Dean stopped outside Lily's door. In the weeks since her death they'd had only one person admitted, and the patient had been taken to the fourth floor. Lobotomy. He stared at the mottled wood, remembering flashes of her laugh, that firey pink head and flashing blue eyes. Dean laid a palm on her door in reverence. "Don't let me fail him," he whispered, a quiet prayer for if she was up there watching them. a tear trailed down his nose, falling on the seam in the cement floor. He watched it absorb into the grout before he sniffed and turned away, going back to his room from which Cas was missing.

Several hours later, Chuck came and ducked his head into Dean's room, Cas draped over his shoulder. Apparently he'd retreated to the showers and hid between the locker rows, sobbing until he passed out. Dean smiled and took his limp boyfriend from Chuck, saying a muted thanks and shutting the door behind the mysterious writer.

Castiel struggled to sit up on the cot, curled against the cement wall. His fingers traced the cracks and crevices as he felt Dean's eyes finally land on him. The smaller man bit his lip and half turned his head.

"I'm sorry," he choked out, taking his hand off the wall to reach out for Dean, who took it immediately. He knew Cas was hurting, the man had abandonment issues. Dean could never hold it against him.

"It's okay baby, I'm sorry too. You believe me that I'm going to fight for you to be released right?" Cas nodded feebly.

"Dean, I believe you, I just can't put my hope into it. I can't believe that it will happen, because if it doesn't…I'm afraid I may act rashly." He bowed his head in shame, refusing to look at Dean for several minutes.

Dean tugged at Cas' arm until they were laying down, Cas' head tucked firmly under Dean's chin, his arm across Dean's chest where Dean's left hand curled around his wrist, the other hand laying on the back of Cas' head. Castiel finally fell asleep a few hours later, his weariness from the crying eventually overtaking him. Dean on the other hand lay awake all night, terrified of the near future, ad what would happen to Cas's mind after he left in a few short hours.

**please r/r!**


	9. the one where Dean gets taken

**Chapter 9: the one where Dean gets taken**

**Ok so this chapter is heavily based on the film "I love you Phillip Morris" and I hope to God some of you have seen it because it's adorable and crazy but oh-so-good. Enjoy! **

Ellen and Jo stood in the lobby of Moccasin Bend Institute, talking idly to Drs Naomi and Balthazar as they signed release papers and legal information was exchanged. A taxi hummed outside, waiting to take them to the airport and back to Nebraska.

Dean sat on the hard wooden bench in the hall, wrapped around Castiel like a boa constrictor, kissing every square inch of his face and neck until the orderly came over and made them stand up. Cas was trying so hard to not cry, not in front of Balthazar.

Ellen came over and shook Cas' hand and hugged Dean before making her way out to her car, with Jo in hot pursuit. The orderly let Cas get as far as the door before he was grabbed by the back of his shirt.

"Hey! He wasn't going to run, chill out, man!" Dean protested, pushing his way back into the building to give Cas one last kiss and a brief squeeze before he was dragged by another orderly to Ellen's car. The worst part was looking back at Cas' thin form fighting back the three orderlies on him as he struggled to run to Dean.

He ducked his head and allowed himself to be pushed into the obnoxious yellow car next to Jo, the door shut in his face and he looked back to the doorway of the Asylum to see no Castiel. Naomi was gone too, so Dean assumed she took him off to calm him down.

Ellen got in the car silently and they drove down the dirt path that ran alongside the exercise yard where the boys had never bothered to venture. It was depressing, and Crowley ran the place. Bad news. Dean rolled down his window to feel the fresh air, letting the angry tears flow freely when he heard a strangled scream.

"DEAN! I LOVE YOU!" Dean jumped and stuck his head out the window, looking back to where the call came from. There in the corner of the Yard was Cas, fingers hooked in the chain-link fence, breathing hard and red from exertion. He must have run through the whole hospital to catch one last glance of his boyfriend.

"I LOVE YOU, CAS!" Dean yelled back, sticking an arm out of the window to wave back. "DON'T LOSE FAITH!" Cas nodded, a gesture Dean barely caught in the dust swirling behind the taxi. When he could no longer see any part of the fences he ducked back into the taxi, and remained silent the whole way back to the Nebraska.

~0~0~

Castiel watched the taxi fade into the dust cloud that swirled behind it, and stayed long enough for the dust to settle again. He simply couldn't accept that Dean was really gone. By the time he unwound his fingers from the chain-link fence there was a lot of attention mounting around him.

"Well well, seems like we have a beautiful little thing out here all alone boys. What to do, what to do?" Cas heard the Scottish growl before he registered the threat carried by it. He turned and faced his attacker head on, nowhere near in the mood to back down from any kind of fight.

"Back off Crowley, you and your maggots. I'm in no mood to play games." Cas straightened himself up and started to walk around the offensive King of this particular dungeon when he was grabbed around the throat by Roger and thrown back into the fence.

"I didn't tell you that you could leave your corner did I, you little faggot? Time for you to learn- or rather _earn-_ your place now that your big beefy plaything is gone. Poor Deanie Weenie's out of sight, and soon he'll be out of mind, I'm sure. You're going to pay for that lovely beating you gave me, big time, sweetheart." Crowley leaned in close, hovering over Roger's shoulder where he still held Cas pinned to the fence. "I think you'd better start counting the days until your savior returns, because until then you're in _my_ hell." Cas screwed his eyes shut, holding his breath until he was released.

When he opened his eyes the group of hellions was gone, leaving him in a corner alone. He ran with all the energy he had back inside, darting back to his room to hide until he could go to Dr Naomi in hopes of some kind of protection.

When he hit his hallway, he heard Chuck yelling in his room, no doubt at his psychotic roommate. Castiel slowed his steps, glancing into the room so see the thin blonde with a scruffy matching beard towering over the unusually short Chuck who was waving his arms erratically. The disturbingly named roommate, Lucifer, was pilfering through a new stack of notebooks that had compiled on his mattress since the last time he was in there. Chuck was of course furious that he was in there at all, let alone touching the sacred writings.

When Lucifer saw him paused in the doorway he smiled and came over. They had always had a pretty easy relationship, Castiel and Lu, unlike him and his poor roommate.

"How's it hangin' li'l man?" Lucifer asked, leaning against the door jamb. Over his shoulder Chuck was busy rifling through stacks, straightening and re-organizing them into larger compendiums.

"Not good Lu, Dean got taken off by an aunt, and I'm alone now. To make matters worse Crowley just staked his claim on my ass for the foreseeable future." Lucifer nodded thoughtfully before reaching out a hand to land on Cas' shoulder.

"Don't worry about that chubby Scot, I'll take care of him." Lu practically growled the statement, his eyes going dark before a quick smirk flashed across his features. "No one who I consider _mine_ gets manhandled by that creep. Unless you want the attention?" he asked. Cas half-smiled and shook his head with a snort of derision, waving at Chuck before turning back to his room. "Stay out of the yard, Castiel. And no showering by yourself. Don't linger on it, and write your man."

With a resigned sigh Castiel returned to his room and sank down on his bed. He stayed there for a minute before he crawled over to Dean's bed, burying his face in the naked mattress to chase the ghost of his scent.

~0~0~

Dean got off the airplane and had to force his body to follow behind Ellen and Jo. Every fiber of his being screamed at him to get back on the plane and return to Tennessee, and to Castiel.

"We cleaned out a nice room for you," Jo interrupted his thoughts. She'd slowed her walk to be beside him, and it made his skin crawl. He'd always loved the Harvelle's, but it just didn't feel right, being here with them. he belonged somewhere else. "It has a huge window seat and lots of room to stretch out. We figured it would be nice while you adjusted or whatever."

Dean forced a smile on his lips and nodded, wishing he had Sammy here to help him study law basics to get Cas out.

They arrived at the Roadhouse bar that Ellen owned a few hours later, the house living barely 100 yards away in the side yard. Jo showed him to his new room while Ellen straightened up the bar to open for the evening.

"We'll go get you some clothes and groceries tomorrow, why don't you take it easy the rest of the day hon?" Ellen asked, leaning on the door post as Dean surveyed the room. He liked the window seat, looking out over the yard and subsequently the bar. He nodded at her with a tight smile. She'd come over from the Roadhouse to see him settled in before working the rest of the night.

"I'm feeling like you got a secret, boy?" he shook his head sadly. Ellen came in the room and sat on the window seat, facing him so that he had to look at her. "I know you haven't exactly had a good year, but that's no excuse to not talk to your friend. You can come out of hiding when you want, just try to stay out of trouble for me alright? Jo's giving me enough of a heart attack as it is, at her age." She shook her head, pleased when Dean genuinely smiled. He remembered Sammy at her age, the petulant child hitting puberty and venturing out with the opposite sex. "I know you were upset to leave your, uh, friend there."

"Cas," he whispered. When Dean winced she whispered,

"Was he just a friend?" it took about a solid minute before Dean shook his head, eyeing her reaction.

Ellen smiled and stood up, coming forward with arms extended to hug him. "Well then, we'll just have to find a way to get him out and with us, wont we?"

"That was my plan," he finally spoke, wanting to cry for her being so understanding and sweet. "Thank you," his voice broke, and he buried his face in her shoulder for a minute, appreciating her motherly feel as she simply held him.

"When we go shopping tomorrow we'll get you some paper and envelopes, so you can write him, alright? And I was going to see if you wanted to work in the bar? You're old enough to get by now, and can earn some pocket money here while you build up a case for Cas." He nodded, giving her another squeeze before she exited.

Two days later Dean had a 12-page letter written in miniscule script for Cas, with the Asylum's address and his name scribbled on the envelope. He had it in the back pocket of his new jeans while he worked to set up the bar, hitching a ride from Jo when she got out of school to the post office so he could mail it directly.

The entire way there and back Jo droned on about school and her new boyfriend and how stupid he was, all the while eyeing Dean like she'd rather have _him_ for her boyfriend. It made him blush when she made a comment about how cute he looked in his new clothes.

"I'm guessing by the look in your eyes that your mom hasn't told you yet?" he asked, looking at his hands in his lap.

"No, told me what? What look in my eyes?" she demanded.

"Like you want me to fuck you. Not gonna happen, Jo, like ever. I'm gay, I came out in the asylum…I have a boyfriend there I'm determined to get released. His name is Castiel." Dean sighed and fingered the envelope in his hands. Jo sighed and looked wistfully out the windshield, driving in the slight drizzle.

"Dean, I've always had a crush on you, and it's just worse now that you're freaking living with me. Don't be offended, but I always kinda thought you were gay, through high school especially. Sam did, too, he was just too scared to come out and ask." Dean just nodded and stared at the letter.

Soon after she pulled into the post office, and he got out to put the letter in the mailbox, explaining his intentions and pleading with Cas to write back soon. It made his heart hurt to be so far away, and have no legitimate mode of contact between them. They drove back to the bar, ready for the Friday night rush of drunkards and detached drifters to come name their poison.

~0~0~

About a week and a half later, Castiel got his letter. Crowley brought it to him, as he was working for the offices to 'keep his temper in check'; the real excuse of course was that they wanted him distracted and in plain sight. He was a manipulative little bastard. Nonetheless he came sauntering into Cas' room with the thick envelope held against his shoulder, taunting.

"Got you a letter here from your sweetie, Castiel," he crooned, casting a brief eye about the room. Cas had moved beds to sleep in the one he'd shared with Dean for so many months.

As if he thought it would be so easy, Cas held out his hand for the notes. There was a tremble to his fingers, the physical form showing his fear that Crowley would require 'payment' in some filthy manner for his love letters.

"Strange, I thought he was going to bust you out? All this says is how much he loves being out in the real world without you."

"You're lying, Crowley. He _is _going to get me out. Give me my letter," he demanded, his voice going gravelly in his frustration. "You're a weak liar. One thing you can't break my trust in is Dean."

Crowley nodded and shifted his feet, turning around to shut the dorm door. No doubt his cronies were outside blocking it anyway.

"I told you that you were going to pay. If you want loverboy's letter, it's time to pay up. At least for just this," Crowley sat expectantly on the other cot and toyed with the letter, his back to the wall, simply waiting for Cas to make a move. Dean's angel stared at the fat envelope, dying to see what was within. The seal hadn't been broken, so he knew now that Crowley hadn't opened it after all. it was worth the price.

"Name your price," he whispered, not taking his eyes off the letter. He felt Crowley's devilish grin without bothering to look.

**i know this one was short but the next few are going to be very important! sorry but no real fluff for a little bit (unless you honestly can count crowley)**

**feed meeeee!**


	10. the one with Dean's plan

Chapter 10: the one with Dean's plan

_WARNIGNS: KIND OF BOLD/VIOLENT SEXUAL ACTS FOR A MINUTE HERE. The rest of the chapter is Dean's letter to Cas. Be warned and enjoy!_

If anyone had entered in the following minutes they would have dragged Crowley back down to solitary in a split second. Castiel knew that the man got off on sadism, but he wasn't expecting the brute force with which he was attacked.

When he asked Crowley what he had in mind, he figured prison rules, maybe a blow job. General payment for goods was letting the carrier throat-fuck you.

What he got was entirely different.

Crowley lunged across the space between the beds with a growl, landing fully on Castiel and pinning him to the bed effectively. With a manic twist of skin Cas found his elbows pinned by Crowley's knees so that he couldn't get free for the weight of his attacker. He opened his mouth to scream before he remembered that the only people around him were the cronies defending the door outside.

"Ah-ah-ah, no you don't," Crowley whispered, opening his pants and getting comfy on Cas' torso. He stuck his thumb in the jaw joint of Cas' mouth, thereby jamming it open. "Going to be a good boy and not bite, or do I need to go elsewhere in this tight little body?" he asked.

For a second Cas froze, trying to plan some kind of escape route, but realized he wouldn't get very far before one of the three of them caught him. Where was Lucifer? Wasn't he supposed to be helping protect him? Cas thought again of the letter on the bed and relaxed. He nodded numbly, opening his mouth as far as it would go as Crowley removed his fingers. He could taste the salt of Crowley's skin where his fingers had been in his mouth a second before.

"Good boy," the demon crooned, stroking the back of his hand down the side of Cas' face. The smaller man allowed the action, holding perfectly still until Crowley moved again. "I can be gentler than you'd ever imagine, you just have to behave," he whispered, trying to soothe Cas. All he wanted was to finish the job and read his letter from Dean, desperately so.

"Just give me your dick and shut the hell up," Cas growled, trying to get his arms under his head for leverage. Crowley wasn't having it; he hopped off Castiel and wrapped his belt around his wrists behind his back, dragging him up by his hair so that he was sitting. Next he divested Cas of his clothing except his boxer briefs and threw him down onto the cement floor, skinning his knees. Cas was now face to face with the letter on his old bed, and his lips sought the thick stationery paper.

Crowley interrupted his thoughts by yanking his head back by his hair, and coming around in front of him, pushing down his pants. He leaned down and took the belt, pulling on Cas' hands so that they were taught behind him, defenseless. He wrapped the tail of the binding to the bed frame, keeping Cas on his knees with no way to control Crowley's movements. "Naughty boy, being so demanding," He muttered, keeping one hand fisted in Cas' hair as he lined himself up with Cas' mouth. Dean's angel licked his lips tentatively, breathing hard and just wanting this to be over.

He was too experienced with this; the act of forced fellation was a thing of the past, something he barely thought about any more. Balthazar had trained him well. He opened his mouth willingly and sank down until his nose his Crowley's pubes, coughing in the back of his throat slightly before pulling off to catch his breath.

"Oh, God I can see why your man loves you so much," Crowley gasped, thrusting into Cas' mouth harder and harder until Cas felt his balls draw up against his chin. He struggled to pull away before Crowley came, not wanting his semen all over him or in him at all. The demon wasn't having it, and pushed so that Castiel's shoulders and head were bent backward and pressed into the mattress behind him, blocking his escape. He came hard down Cas' throat, pushing as far deep as he could so that Castiel had to swallow or choke.

When he was done he unbound Castiel, tucking himself away before exiting. He turned at the edge of the room and reached back to cup Cas' ass. "Next time you pay with that, like you're supposed to. I went easy on you, peaches." He sauntered out of the room, leaving Castiel with angry tears and the need to throw up. He clutched the letter to his chest and waited five solid minutes before he went to the tiny grimy sink in the cell and filled his mouth with water, gargling before swallowing it so that he'd have something to throw up. Then he dug around and found a pen in his bedside table, sticking the rounded back part down his throat to make him gag. He vomited the watery semen into the sink, turning the water on full blast to rinse the offensive stuff down the drain. He threw up twice more to be sure and rinsed his mouth out again before he finally settled down with his letter from Dean.

The script was tiny and immaculate, obviously he'd thought hard about what to say, and wrote slowly. Castiel counted the pages, 12, front and back, and smiled. He rummaged around in his drawers again and found a pair of dusty old glasses, pushing the thick black frames up his nose so that he could properly read the little lines. The first page went like this:

_Castiel, my Angel:_

_I've been here a grand total of two days and still my heart screams at me to hitch-hike back to you. I hope that no one is treating you poorly, and that Balthazar is keeping his distance. I am searching night and day for civil law books to get you out there; I believe that they have no legal standing if someone decides to sign you out. You may have to consent to being adopted by Ellen, which I found out is how she got me out. Otherwise I think that if you show "improvement" then one of us can sign you out like we are taking you to a halfway home-type situation, and then you can just live with us. That's as far as I've gotten right now but I need to know how you are doing, so please write me back. I love you so much it hurts! I hate not having you here in my bed; it feels so empty and pointless. At the same time, I know that you're dying to get out here with me, so we can have a life together and can be truly happy. _

_Do you remember when I told you about the night Sam and Bobby died? I have to be honest, it wasn't the truth. I mean, it was about 90% true, but the way the house caught on fire wasn't true. It wasn't Bobby's fault, it was mine. I left a cigarette burning in my hand and when I fell asleep it caught on the rug. It wasn't his fire place. I just needed to tell someone, if I tell anyone here I'll get in trouble. And the reason I was sent to the asylum is because I told the wrong person that I believed that it was retribution for my dad's obsession with demons and that he pissed off the wrong person. How else could someone lose so much with no evil intent? _

_Cas I've lost so much, and I know you've not exactly had the easiest life, especially since you've been admitted, but I can honestly say that I'm losing it out here alone. Jo and Ellen are amazing, they really are trying so hard to get me back into feeling normal, but the truth is I'm nothing here without you anymore. I'll be coming as soon as possible with release papers and whether that means you being adopted or me getting to check you out, it will happen. Keep up the faith, angel. _

When a knock on his door startled him, Castiel jumped and stuffed the letter under his mattress, not knowing if he was technically allowed to have it or not. It was Lucifer.

"Hey, little man, how's it going?" he asked, glancing around the bare room, comparing it to his own cluttered existence with the god of writing down the hall. Lu smiled, looking down at Cas again.

"Fine, Lu, just reading and relaxing."

"Crowley came in here earlier, didn't he? I can smell the musky little shit." He wrinkled his nose.

"Yeah, he uh…delivered me a letter from Dean. Made me blow him for it," he rubbed his wrists where the leather had bit into his skin.

"And you didn't bite it off? Jeez, you have more patience than I do, obviously."

"So why did they let you out of solitary? Not going to try and kill Chuck again, are you?" Cas asked, gesturing for Lu to take a seat on the empty cot. He sank onto it, stretching out before answering.

"Nah, he's not worth the trouble any more. When Crowley's gang beat up Dean and they all got sent down with me, I realized that there can't be two devils. It's me or him. Chuck can come later, that little bastard. Next time he comes around, holler for me. Or avoid your room until lockup, so that I can have an excuse to get him red-handed trying to hurt someone. If I just go in his room and kill him I'll get in trouble, but-"

"But if you have bait it's okay? Wow." Cas sighed, staring at his feet. He wanted to finish his letter.

"I didn't mean it that way, Castiel. I just meant, he obviously has some sick claim on you. When he tries to make his next transaction make sure I'm close is all. I'll get him before you get hurt, promise." He held out his pinky to Cas, indicating a pinky-swear. Cas laughed and took the offer, hooking his own little finger around Lucifer's.

With a heavy sigh Lu pushed off the bed, leaving just as silently as he came to go prowl the halls and make others feel uncomfortable. A few minutes of silence followed his absence before Cas remembered his letter and dug it back out from under him to read some more.

~0~0~

"he's going to try to get me out," he whispered, leaning in close across Naomi's desk. It was a month after Dean's dismissal, and Cas was growing restless waiting.

"And does he know _how_ he plans to do this?" she asked, not taking any notes and asking just as quietly. She had been trying to help a tiny bit ever since Dean had left, and Cas felt she was the only thing keeping him sane in here.

"His aunt, Ellen, adopted him legally. That's how she got him out. She's trying to do the same with me, but my dad won't sign the papers.

"Well, good thing that as your psychiatrist I can sign guardianship rights over. When they put you in here they had to sign over certain legal rights, one of which includes guardianship and medical permission. I think the only good next step in your medical care is getting you back to normal, and out there with Dean as fast as possible." Cas' jaw literally dropped open. He was dumbstruck!

"You…you'd be willing to sign me over?" she nodded.

"But, Castiel I must warn you, it costs a lot of money to get someone out of a psych ward that you have no blood connection to. She was able because they share a common grandfather, Dean's father and her late husband. It's a distant relationship, but one nonetheless. So it was only a processing fee for her to adopt him. But for you it's paying for the care you received here to pay back the state, and then the processing fee to have you legally adopted over age 18, and then the fees from the asylum itself. It will be a little over five thousand dollars, if I'm not mistaken."

With that his hopes were crushed; how was Dean a ever going to make that money any time soon? He left his appointment a little while later, after blithely discussing some more tactics, and went back to his room to write Dean a letter with the new information.

~0~0~

"Ellen!" Dean cried, running through the house to reach his aunt in the kitchen. He'd just read Cas' latest letter and discovered that the doctor he was under was more than willing to help get him out, but warned him about the cost.

"That is a lot of money, kid," she sighed, looking out the window at the Roadhouse. Dean had been working and saving every penny he earned from tips and salary to get legal aid and get Castiel out of the asylum as soon as possible. It had been almost two months now, and he was going crazy without his boyfriend around.

"I have about five hundred saved… I just wish—oh wait!" he yelled, running back to his room and then back to the kitchen. Ellen glared at him for being so raucous. "My Impala, I can sell it!" he held up a picture of himself, a five-year-old Sam, and his dad standing at Bobby's with a black 1967 Chevy Impala, all shiny and beautiful. "It's still at the shop, I got the whole thing when Bobby died, and I left the Impala there on purpose. I can use my savings to get a plane ticket to Indiana, get the car in good shape, and sell any of the rest of them that look good enough to get the money together!" he was excited, eyes lighted up with his new plan. It was the best one so far.

"Don't sell the shop, though, you and Cas can run it and rebuild the house, make yourself some money right from home," Ellen added sagely. Dean felt like his face was going to split in half from his smile; he _had_ to tell Cas immediately! He ran to the living room and dialed information, which he knew he'd get a lashing from Ellen for later, and asked for the asylum in Tennessee. He was connected a good minute later.

_Moccasin Bend Institute for the Criminally Insane_

"Hi, I need to speak with Castiel Novak, please, immediately. It's a family emergency."

_May I ask who is calling?_

"Dean Novak," he answered immediately, hoping that Cas would deign to answer.

_Just a minute, please_ the voice drawled. Dean rolled his eyes and tapped his foot, waiting. Two minutes ticked by before he heard echoes in what must be the cement halls of the asylum

_Dean?! _ He heard. It was Castiel, running into the office area. He was out of breath, he had come so fast. _Dean, is it really you? _

"Yea, angel, it's me." he felt tears well up in his eyes immediately. "God, I miss your voice. I have to make this quick because Ellen will murder me if I rack up her phone bill, but I needed to tell you as soon as possible. I found a way out, and a future for us, if you want it," he added timidly. Cas huffed on the other end.

_If I want it, are you serious? Get me the fuck out of here and with you, already, Winchester! _ Dean laughed at his tone.

"Okay, so I actually own Bobby's old car shop now, so I'm going to fly out to Indiana next week and start shaping up and selling the cars, then I'll come down and do the legal dance and pay the fees and get you out, then the two of us will live in Indiana and run the mechanic shop and rebuild the house. Does that sound good?" he asked. Cas was shocked on the other end; clearly Dean had done his homework on this one.

_Dean do you know how to run a mechanic shop? _ _I mean this all sounds more than fantastic I just don't want to get there and have it all fall apart around us._

"Cas, I know how to be a mechanic, I worked for Bobby until he died. It will be fine, I promise. Just give me the time to sell some cars so I have money for the fees, and then money for us to live off of after I get you. A month, at the absolute latest." Cas groaned loudly on the other end.

_If it makes you come any faster, Crowley has a claim on me now. Lucifer, Chuck's roomie is trying to help me avoid him but so far it hasn't worked. Just get here faster so nothing else happens, please! I've already had to blow him for every letter you send, and he won't get me anything anymore without lip service, including smokes! I'm honestly surprised that he hasn't tried to fuck me yet._

"Are you fucking serious? And you just TAKE IT? CASTIEL JAMES NOVAK!" Dean yelled down the line, getting more pissed by the second. "Don't you dare just roll over and take it, he isn't Balthazar! FUCK!" Cas winced at his words.

_Dean, if I want your letters, I have to. _Dean felt bad for his outburst now, as Cas was speaking more ashamedly than ever.

"I'm sorry, angel I just hate people taking advantage of you. You're too cute for your own good, obviously. I'll be there as soon as possible, I promise. Don't you dare fuck Crowley, do you hear me?"

_Yes Dean. I love you_.

"I love you too, Cas. I'll write as soon as I'm at Bobby's. Bye," he hung up with furious tear in his eyes. He had to get there faster than he'd expected, and he knew that Cas told him his woes for that reason on purpose. He got up and went to open the bar for the night and hitched a ride from Jo to the airport to check on ticket prices. He was leaving in two days.

**more in a week or so, as usual! please review, i'm losing faith here! tell me if you'd like to see anything specific**


	11. the one with the waiting game

**Chapter 11: the one with the waiting game **

**_Warnings: bit of a rape scene with Crowley may trigger some readers, and the fight scene is a bit gory so beware._**

Lu was leaning against the wall in the hallway, watching Castiel's doorway for Crowley to come lurking again. He hadn't been around for several days, and Cas had previously refused to go to him for anything, so all he could do was wait him out. About a week after his last letter was delivered, Cas came out of hiding in his room to apparently get some lunch. Lu's eyes narrowed; the kid looked jittery and almost afraid.

He waited for a few more patients to get in between the brunette and himself, realizing a minute later that the couple separating them was Gabriel and Jared. They were bantering over some stupid thing that Jared had said to another patient the day before, infuriating Gabriel. Lucifer smiled to himself, remembering the casual conversation yesterday, and how much he liked the beautiful, huge power-bottom, and continued on in silence until Cas darted down a hallway that led to the Yard. Odd. He followed once again. Castiel threw a glance over his shoulder and Lu moved swiftly to hide behind a dip in the wall, half concealed by shadows. Cas decided the coast was clear and opened the door, stepping out into the breaking sunlight.

"I need some, soon. I'm out. Please?" he heard Cas whisper through the door. Lu scowled and leaned in closer, pressing his ear flat against the cool metal. He heard Crowley's cocky reply followed with "Payment?" a nervous question that cracked Castiel's voice.

"Later," Crowley sighed, dismissing him. Cas's footsteps came back toward the door and Lu ran to the end of the hall to act like he had just come from lunch. Just in case anyone was watching them.

"Hey, little man," Lu said, cracking a smile. Cas jumped and smiled back, walking back toward his room with Lucifer trailing lazily behind. "How did it go?" he asked. Castiel looked around them for one of Crowley's men, Roger, who'd been lurking in the shadows around him for weeks now. Keeping Crowley's prize clean and "safe".

"I've gotten him to smuggle me in some cigarettes. Probably tomorrow if he doesn't already have some in his room. He said to make the payment later. How do you want me to alert you?"

"Tell Meg, I'll have her transferred to be your new orderly." Cas nodded and waved at Chuck who was in a corner of the hall scribbling furiously on a new notebook. Chuck waved but glared with narrowed eyes at Lucifer, who just gave him a huge grin and a particularly gay little finger-wave before following Cas into his room.

"So the plan is: I tell Meg when I go to Crowley, you come and beat the hell out of him, and no one is any wiser to my involvement? I can't ruin my chances of getting out of here, Lu, not for a revenge scheme." Castiel crossed his arms over his chest and looked up out of his little window.

"Cas I promise your involvement will be the last thing on anyone's mind when I am done. There will be no more crap from Crowley, for anyone. At least when I judge people and keep them under control I don't do it by raping them or by humiliation. I am a fair devil," he winked at Cas, making him laugh for the first time in a few weeks.

"Alright, well then go find Meg, I'll be in here." Lu nodded and left quietly, pausing by Gabriel and Jared's door to wink at Jared and make him blush furiously. Gabe wasn't in the room, and he considered making use of his open window before it was slammed closed, but opted to behave himself. He had bigger game to catch than the long-haired pretty boy.

~0~0~

Two hours later Meg was lurking around Cas' door, keeping an eye on him for her favorite patient, Lucifer. He was sitting on his bed reading, when he heard a surprised female squeak and a loud thud. Cas jumped off the bed and ran cautiously to his door, only to slam headlong into Roger's chest.

"Come along, poppit," he growled, yanking Cas by the upper arm out of his room and past the unconscious body of Meg slumped on the floor. he opened his mouth to scream for Lu, only to be manhandled to where he was walking in front of Roger, the death grip still bruising his arm and a large hand closed over his mouth. He writhed in his grip, fighting every step as he was pushed down the hall to Crowley's room. This wasn't going to end well, and he knew it; if it was just another blow job Roger wouldn't be dragging him.

"Castiel, how lovely to see you _my boy_. Come in, come in," Crowley crooned, waving Roger away to go stand guard outside somewhere. He closed the door behind him when he walked out with a nod.

"Now, what is it that you wanted? Cigarettes? Any particular kind?" he asked, standing up from the table he inexplicably had in his room. Crowley walked around Cas to a wardrobe where he had a huge stash of various goods he had "smuggled" in. then again you didn't need to smuggle when even the workers came by for some of his wares.

"Um…Camel?" Cas whispered. It suddenly hit him that Crowley knew about his plan with Lu, otherwise he would have taken joy in watching Cas squirm for nicotine for a few more days. Crowley dug around for a minute and walked back to Castiel slowly, a very slight smirk upon his lips. It made Cas's blood run cold.

~0~0~

Lucifer sat in his cell with Chuck, watching the tiny man scribble away in a new notebook, every few minutes looking out the door. He suddenly gasped and wrote quicker, and Lu furrowed his brow at him. "What's going on there, little prophet?" Lu was probably one of the few people in the place who actually had seen enough of Chuck's premonitions come true to know that the guy had to have a direct link to God. Or something like that.

Chuck scowled at him and sighed, looking painfully out the door before answering. "Castiel is in trouble." Lu sat straight up.

"Crowley?" he growled. Chuck nodded and sank back into his cot. He knew was Lucifer was about to do to his would-be replacement. Lu was already out in the hallway, looking down on Meg's unconscious body. He snarled and ran at a full sprint to Crowley and Roger's room, where Roger and another cretin were guarding the door. Cas was definitely in there; he heard a yelp which set his blood boiling. Lu reared back and took out the other guy before bracing his leg firmly and round-kicking Roger in the jaw, knocking him out cold.

"Castiel?" he yelled, splintering the wooden door in his anger and jumping into the room.

"Lu, help!" the muffled cry was obstructed by the wadded up underwear stuffed into Cas' mouth. He was face down on the cot, red marks covering his back and tracing his prominent ribs. They looked like either scratch marks or lash wounds. Lu didn't pause to observe further. He reached over and grabbed Crowley by his greasy hair, pulling him across the room and effectively out of Cas where he had been buried balls-deep a second before. Cas cried out at the sudden emptiness, feeling the intense burn of his internal muscles being so quickly emptied. Lu had bigger things to worry about right now, like finally killing Crowley.

"Now, don't want to go back to solitary for good, do we Lucifer? Or to prison? They'd lobotomize you for sure, if they let you stay." The weasel squirmed in his grasp, trying to talk his way out of trouble. Lu wasn't having it. Crowley clawed at Lu's firm grip on his neck and the back of his skull, terrified for a good reason.

"You hurt everyone, and Meg was the last innocent you'll ever get your meaty claws on," Lu snarled in his ear, pulling his head back and to the left abruptly, breaking his neck in a split second and letting the dead body slump to the ground.

He breathed hard for a minute, reaching down to make sure that he was finally dead before going to check on Castiel who was still shaking on the bed, fastened to the headboard by makeshift wore that cut deep into his wrists.

"You okay? I'm so sorry, Castiel, I should have been the one watching not Meg. They got her too." He untied Cas' wrists and rubbed the raw skin around the cuts, listening to the pounding feet of the orderlies as they stormed down the hall, coming to check on the ruckus they had caused. "You had nothing to do with this, got it? It was all me. I'll make sure they know, so that you can get out of here and back to your man," he held Cas briefly against his chest, running a gentle hand through his hair, as if that hand hadn't just broken another man's neck a split second before. Castiel winced and drew back minutely, wincing from the cane marks as Lu's hand absently brushed over a few of the welts.

He had refused to cry out, not wanting the sadistic bastard to have any pleasure from his screams, but it had done no good; the demon only kept beating him until he could no longer hold the pain in. Now thin lines of blood trailed down his ribs, no wider than paper cuts, but they felt like they were on fire, or being doused in vodka. He grunted and tried to sit up, failing miserably and sinking back down onto his side. Lu pursed his lips and walked out into the hallway, where his armband was activated immediately. He sank to the ground from the shocks, waiting patiently for an orderly to come turn him off.

Dr Baz and Naomi came running down the hall after Jeff found Crowley dead in the room, and Cas crumpled and bloody on the cot.

"Explain," the British doc growled, turning off Lu's bracelet.

"Crowley was raping Castiel, I came to the rescue when I heard his screams. He knocked out Meg as well. He came at me in violence when I tried to get him off Cas, so I killed him." Lu was deadpan, monotonous. He had done his duty, at last. Balthazar turned white when he looked at Naomi and Castiel as she walked him out of the room, his arm draped over his shoulder and Crowley's blanket soaked in his own blood draped around his slender hips.

"We're calling Dean, today. Castiel is being released, this cant happen anymore, Balthazar," she whispered to him as they walked past. Baz nodded once, numb and unable to believe how they could have let this happen under their watch. Especially under hers; she missed nothing, or so it seemed.

Cas was taken to the hospital wing where he was lain out on his stomach and cool rags were placed over his back and ribs to take down the swelling. They did little good except to wipe the smeared blood away, but a few minutes later Naomi brought in her phone and hooked it up to the jack by the door, trailing the long cord over to Cas' bed. He lifted his head minutely, curious.

"Shhh, angel, we're trying to get a hold of Dean for you. He can come get you whenever. Until then you'll stay in here so that a nurse can keep an eye out for you. Is that okay?" she asked, her hand lacing through his tufted black hair as he let his head sink back down to the pillow.

Cas snuffled, nodding to her before burying his face in the fabric. He hadn't spoken much since Dean's departure, other than to answer direct questions if need be. She understood, and they sat in silence for another long hour until he drifted to sleep from the pain medication.

~0~0~

Dean got off the plane in Indianapolis, and walked immediately over to the bus stop so that he could get to the shop, praying the whole time that his uncle's old phone was still in service after a year of disuse.

When he arrived about a mile away from Bobby's Salvage Yard, he almost ran to the old building, desperate to get a hold of Ellen and tell her he'd arrived, then to call the asylum for Castiel and give him his new number. He passed his new Impala on the way in the door, all covered in dust from a year of sitting, and the ashes from the burnt out house. He smiled at his ticket back to Cas, and continued into the office where he tested the phone line.

It worked, and he almost cried aloud at the godsend of the dial tone as he tapped in Ellen's house number, getting no answer then he tried the Roadhouse. After two rings he heard,

"Assuming you made it?" Dean laughed down the line.

"Yeah, Ellen I'm in. Can you-"

"Listen sweetheart, there's a problem. The asylum called, Cas is in trouble, and they are releasing him to you as soon as possible. You need to sell a car for gas and get in that impala and book it. Like, by tomorrow you need to hit the road," she actually sounded worried, but Dean was far more upset. His blood ran cold at the word _trouble._

"What happened?" he asked, voice cracking. His hand was fisted on the dusty desk, eyes unseeing.

"They wouldn't exactly tell me, but that he's hurt and in the hospital wing waiting on you to arrive for him. That Dr Naomi lady is having the processing fees waived for you, she wants him out so bad." Ellen sighed and he heard her pass a stein glass down the bar to someone. Jo was in the background flirting with someone. Dean buried his finger and thumb in his eyes, fighting off the angry tears; he knew it was Crowley without having to ask.

"Thanks Ellen, I was calling him next anyway. I'll talk to you soon, promise," he swore, about to hang up when he heard,

"You better both keep safe, you ass!" he smiled weakly and hung up, picking the phone back up to dial the asylum.

_Thank you for calling Moccasin Bend Institute, how can I help you?_

"Dean Winchester for Dr Naomi Price?" he asked, assuming that the worried woman would be watching over his boyfriend like a hawk now. He was right.

_One moment please, _was followed by "hold music" tones.

"This is Dr Naomi Price," she answered, sounding exhausted.

"Naomi it's Dean," he heard her sit up straight in a chair, and a rustle of blankets told him she was sitting next to Cas in the hospital wing. He sent up a silent prayer for that woman.

"Dean, thank God. We heard you were moving after we called your Aunt?" it was an implied question.

"Yeah I moved to Indiana to take over my late uncle's car shop. How is he?" Dean winced at his trembling voice. His breath shook while he waited for her answer.

"He's asleep right now, and quite… sore? Crowley beat him up pretty well, and apparently started raping him before Lucifer broke in and killed him. That's as much as the story as we have right now. Lucifer is in solitary until we figure something out."

"Lucifer? Chuck's roommate that has killed like five patients? Why the hell was he _out_ of solitary?" dean asked, desperate to hear Cas' voice but enthralled by his unlikely savior.

"He had been remarkably calm for a good few weeks, so we let him out and just kept an eye on him. He made friends with Castiel, but we are glad for the fact that he managed to save Cas, despite the fact that he did kill another patient. Between you and me, at least it was Crowley." Dean's eyes went wide at her words, but he had to admit it was true.

"Well have him call me at this number when he wakes up, I'm going to go sell a few of these cars for gas money and I'll be down tomorrow for him. Just, please Naomi, keep him safe." Dean pleaded, looking out over the car lot as a few tears finally escaped his eyes. He should have fought harder to stay there with Cas and keep him safe.

"Dean, I've been sitting in this chair for six hours, and I'm not going anywhere." Her response made the ghost of a smile dance across his lips. He said goodbye and hung up, going out to fire up the tow truck and loading three of the best cars on it, besides his Impala.

That car was his cash crop, he could get full price from it considering hit had less than a hundred miles on it, but it was also the best car, and he needed it to drive down to Tennessee as it was the most reliable. He got in the truck and took the junk cars down to an auction, getting nearly five thousand for all three by the end of the second hour.

Dean went "home," packed his duffel bag with a new outfit and showered, got in the Impala for the first time in a year, and aimed her hood south.

He had his angel to save.


	12. the one with their new home

**Chapter 12: the one with ****_their_**** new home**

Hurt/comfort/pure (and well-deserved) smut ahead! You have been warned!

Dean threw the Impala into park in the arched driveway of the Asylum, getting out slowly to stretch his creaking back and leg muscles from the twelve hour drive. He stretched his hands out above his head, mentally preparing himself for the sight of Cas' once-again broken body laying inside. He sighed heavily and went in, stopping by the office for a visitor tag.

As he walked the too-familiar halls he looked around. It had barely been a few months since he'd left, and already it seemed to be a darker place. He had to remember that there was no Lily any more to brighten the spirits of the poor souls swelling here. Crowley had apparently done everyone in before he'd been killed. The atmosphere radiated _defeat_ in every breath he took he felt weighted down.

Dean passed his old room with Cas and peeked, in, wondering if they had let him stay here or if he was being kept in the hospital wing still. He smiled as he realized that Cas had migrated to his old bed, and worked an old shirt of his over the extra pillow to comfort him. His heart ached to see Cas again, so he wiped away the stray tear and kept on down his path to the hospital wing.

"Dean!" he heard a quiet voice pip up behind him. It was Chuck, scurrying to meet him in the hall, his open robe flapping behind him. "Dean, did you read the notebook I gave you?" he demanded, eyes darting left and right.

"Crap! No, Chuck, I'm sorry. I forgot all about it, trying to get Cas out," Dean smacked a hand to his forehead for forgetting the stupid notebook. Chuck looked crestfallen but smiled anyway.

"That's okay, Dean you and Castiel can read it when you get back to your new home." He winked at Dean and scurried back to his room, sliding the door shut quietly. Dean stood dumbfounded in the hall. He hadn't told anyone about the new place, and he seriously doubted that Cas had been able to, either with everything that happened so suddenly. He shook his head and continued down his path.

When Dean approached the Hospital doors he was met by Naomi who was standing outside talking in hushed tones to Balthazar, they both started at the sudden footsteps and turned to greet Dean. He forced a smile and held out a hand to the both of them before nervously wiping his palms on his jeans.

"So, uh, how is he?" Dean asked, trying to keep himself from tearing into the ward then and there, throwing Cas over his shoulder, and running back out without a second glance. He blinked hard and focused on Naomi's words.

"He's pretty hurt, but other than that…" she shrugged. "Dean he's just desperate to see you, and continue his life. He wants normalcy. Most of all he wants you," she smiled and cocked her head. Balthazar sort of elbowed himself between them before Dean could open the door.

"Dean," he paused, looking at his feet before flashing his gaze up to meet the much younger man's. "I just wanted to tell you, from the bottom of my heart that I am so sorry for the damage I caused. For you and for Castiel both. I, uh, I let it go on too long, not that it should have honestly ever begun, but before you took him and started your new life together I just wanted there to be some kind of… resolution between you guys and this place. It shouldn't have to be a haunting past for you." He paused, not knowing what else to say. Dean sniffed, wiping his palm over his mouth before leaning in and giving Baz a brief hug. He didn't meet his eyes as he pushed past the Brit and into the ward.

Castiel was laying in the third bed down the narrow aisle, his curtain open on their side but closed to the bright sun shining through. He wasn't asleep, but his eyes were closed and he didn't seem to have the energy to lift his head off the pillow. Dean's stomach knotted. He sent up a silent prayer that Crowley was dead and thanks to Lucifer for doing it for him. Dean didn't need to be in jail, he needed to be _here_ for Cas. That much was evident. Every time they were separated, one of them was being hurt. He approached silently and sat on the edge of Cas' mattress, pursing his lips.

Cas' eyes fluttered open at the change in weight distribution on his bed, and he struggled to throw himself into Dean's lap when he saw who it was.

"Dean! You got here so fast!" he rasped out, throat cracked from his attack a few days ago. Dean chuckled and pressed kisses into Castiel's temple, helping the smaller man sit up properly so that he could hug him tight, chest to chest.

"As soon as I landed in Illinois I called. Naomi told me what had happened, and I ran outside, sold three cars on the spot and came straight here," he spoke into the soft skin behind Cas' ear. Tears streamed down his face; he had missed being able to hold Cas, to be able to even kiss his full lips or smell his skin. It was overwhelming, but he felt Naomi's eyes on his back. She came forward after a few minutes, letting the estranged lovers have their moment, and had Dean sign a few papers saying that he was taking on the legal responsibility for Cas outside of the ward, and that he was emotionally stable enough to support Cas' "issues." Balthazar had evidently disappeared after his monologue, and Dean couldn't blame him. Not after everything that had been his fault.

Naomi flourished her pen over a few remaining lines and smiled up at the couple cradling each other on the gurney. She stood up, smoothed her palms down her jacket front and sighed before leaning in and kissing the top of Castiel's head. Dean looked at her curiously but she just laughed under her breath.

"I'll miss you two." She suddenly pointed a severe finger in Dean's face, "Dean Winchester, you better take _good_ care of my favorite patient, got it?" he nodded dumbly, feeling Cas' soft laughter where he'd buried his face in Dean' pectoral. "Now let's get him loaded up and out of this godforsaken place," she offered her hand, but Dean shook his head, scooping Cas up bridal-style and carrying him back to their old room.

As Dean stood outside of room 241, staring numbly at the number plate as Cas changed into jeans and a soft tee shirt, and crammed his few possessions into a bag. He had the sudden urge to take it. This was where they met, and they were certainly never coming back. He looked sidelong at Naomi when Castiel came limping out of the room, but before he could ask for it, Cas slid the gold plate out of its holder and pushed it silently into his bag, nodding once at Dean. Naomi chuckled and pretended to shield here eyes as if to say "I didn't see a thing" and led them to the front gate where Castiel's arm band was removed and he was sent off with a smile. Dean didn't notice it, but Cas reached out and swiped the tear off her cheek as she watched her favorite patient in ten years get in the Impala and drive three states away to his new home.

She couldn't have been more proud to help him escape.

~0~0~

The car ride back to Bobby's was quiet and uneventful, except that Dean was beaming from ear to ear to have his boyfriend now outside and in his legal possession. He didn't care how it would look on paper if they tried to get married, he was just happy to have him _out_.

Cas on the other hand spent the entire trip dozing in and out from the pain meds still working through his system. Dean had been given strict instruction not to "play around back there" for a few extra days to allow healing from Crowley's brutal taking. Dean had blushed and felt a flash of anger in the same breath, promising to behave himself and let Cas heal. He was currently leaning against the window with his mouth hanging half open, clutching onto Dean's hand as if it held the answers to life itself. He chuckled and stopped in a gas station to fill up and get a bag of chips.

Cas startled awake when the car stopped, looking around them into the mist of the north-Kentucky mountains. "Where are we, babe?" he asked, rubbing his fists in his eyes sleepily. Dean laughed again and explained that they were near the Kentucky Illinois border, almost two hours from Bobby's garage, their new home.

"Want anything from inside?" he asked, ducking his head back in Cas' window for a quick kiss.

"I'll come and see. I haven't been out in so long I don't know what they have anymore!" Cas said, surprised himself at the thought. Did they still have coke? He followed Dean into the store, milling around in the drink aisles for a minute before selecting a coke and bringing it back to Dean in the line with a huge grin. Dean smiled and set it and his bag of Lays on the counter, paying for both and enough gas to fill his Baby up. The teller gave them a weird look, and Dean felt Cas's chin resting on his shoulder a second later.

"Blech," he heard the guy make the sound in the back of his throat as they walked out, hand in hand. He had literally just fought several months for Cas, he wasn't going to shy away from what they had over some idiot in a gas station. Dean gassed up the Impala and drove off.

Castiel rolled his window down when they hit the interstate, feeling the wind in his hair for the first time in almost six years. Dean beamed and held his hand tighter at the sight, knowing he put that look on his boyfriend's face which just made it better.

"So what is the plan?" Cas asked, rolling his window back up most of the way. He kept it cracked for the sake of fresh air. Dean sighed and thought for a minute before answering.

"Well, the rough plan is to re-open the business, and use the money to rebuild the house. The basement is still intact, so we can use it to stay in until we can rebuild the top half. There's a bunker and a kitchen down there, and a bathroom. The only strain we'll have is getting electricity routed in, but it shouldn't be too much of a problem. The phone still miraculously works, as does the rest of the electricity in the garage." Cas nodded thoughtfully and went back to watching the scenery pass by, a pleased smile toying on his lips.

As they pulled into town, Cas was awake fully, the meds having now worn off. He was wincing with every bump in the road, sitting with his back stock straight from the angry marks covering his sides, trying to not let them hit the seat. "Almost there, angel, just a few more miles," Dean whispered, upset at his feeling of weakness, not being able to help Cas feel more comfortable.

"I'm fine, Dean. It can't be helped," he sighed, laying his hand once more over Dean's on the black leather seat. Dean smiled back weakly and rounded the corner into Bobby's driveway- _their_ driveway. "Oh, wow," Castiel sighed at het size of their would-be house. It was far too large for just the two of them! They'd have to get a cat or something after it was built.

"Yeah, it's a bit large for our means but hey, we can always get a cat," Dean sighed before getting out of the car and coming around to open Cas' door. Cas smirked at their shared thought and got out, stretching his sore back. Dean gave Castiel a quick tour of the place, showing him around the unscathed garage and the lot with all the dilapidated cars, and lastly the burnt-out house. He walked the bags downstairs and showed Cas the bunker that would now be their room, with its cot and the kitchen in the corner.

"It will take a bit of work for it to feel like home, but we'll get there," Dean whispered. He pulled Cas close and pressed a fervent kiss to his lips. The smaller man let himself melt into Dean's embrace, kissing him back enthusiastically. Dean's hands were gentle on his torn back, holding gently but firmly.

"Dean, I desperately need you to sprawl out on that cot right now," Cas growled, pushing Dean back so that his knees hit the edge of the thin mattress and he tumbled down, laughing.

"Angel, we don't have to do anything, I know you're still—hey!" he cried, bucking up when Cas landed on his knees in front of him, unbuckling Dean's belt and sliding it out of the loops swiftly, throwing the offensive object over his shoulder. He unsnapped and unzipped Dean's jeans with one flick of his wrist, the other hand tugging at his boyfriend's boots. Soon Dean was naked form the waist down, lifting his hips to let Cas drag his jeans and boxer-briefs down his calves and off.

"God, I've missed you, Dean. You and this beautiful cock," he murmured, licking a wide stripe up the base before enclosing the head in a filthy open-mouth kiss. Dean moaned and threw his head back, bucking slightly at finally feeling Cas' hot little mouth on his long-abandoned member.

"Missed you too, baby," he stammered out, shifting his hips on the mattress so that his knees were hooked over the edge and splayed wide for Cas to sit between. "Don't wa- ah!" he cried, bucking up hard as Cas slid a deviously spit-slicked finger between his cheeks and into the first ring of muscles of his anus.

"I'm sorry, you don't want _what_ Dean?" Castiel muttered against the soft skin at the junction of Dean's thigh and hip. His blazing blue eyes flashed up to meet Dean's. His pupils were blown wide with desire, loving every minute of Cas' enthusiasm. But there was something he wanted, something more: a better sense of intimacy. Cas pulled back and frowned, "Dean?"

"I want you inside of me. God, it's been so long, Cas, please?" he begged gently, tugging Castiel up to join him on the bed. Cas complied and crawled up carefully, avoiding hurting his already aching skin any further. He slotted his legs in between Dean's, lying on his chest lightly with his hands folded under his chin. Dean smiled down at him and waited, to his credit. Cas smiled at the feeling of Dean's erection throbbing, trapped between their sandwiched stomachs.

He sighed and rolled his eyes, pushing up onto his elbows to hold his weight off of Dean and stretch up to kiss him, tongues sliding together in a heated battle for dominance that Dean let him win. Cas reached down and hooked Dean's calf over his hip, deepening the kiss as their cocks slid against one another. Dean pulled back and groaned, running the flats of his palms down Castiel's torn skin, feeling the ripples of the scabbed welts that had been forced on his baby-soft skin. He groaned hard when Cas ground his hips into Dean's, nudging his chin aside with his nose to kiss down his neck. He lapped at Dean's hardened nipples, blowing on them gently to further sensitize them. Deans' stomach muscles rippled; he had been working out again as an outlet before he went back for Cas.

"Oh, lord," Dean whispered, fisting his hands in Cas' hair as he teased further down, lifting Dean's leg to probe gently at his opening. Dean twisted to the side, finding a small bottle of lubricant and handing it down to Cas.

"Prepared for the best, were we?" he muttered, thumbing open the cap and drizzling the liquid onto his fingers.

"Always, angel," Dean sighed, getting comfortable again. He relaxed, letting Cas work him back open after months of abstinence. It was cruel really, but Dean couldn't bring himself to do much more than jack it in the shower in Cas' absence from his life.

Cas sank two fingers in at the same time as he took Dean's cock down his throat to the base, startling a ragged gasp from the larger man. He grabbed hold of the sides of the mattress for grounding, feeling like he was about to soar away. Cas rolled his wrist, curling his fingers and finding that sweet spot inside that made his toes cramp. "CAS!" he cried, feebly pushing his boyfriend's mouth off of him. "I'm gonna come and I want you to be inside me when I do, hurry up!" Castiel laughed breathily against his thigh, nipping him sharply before withdrawing his fingers and crawling back up Dean's torso. Dean wrapped his legs around Cas' slim hips obediently when they were tapped, licking his lips with anticipation.

Castiel lined up with Dean's entrance and sank in, slow and deep, letting Dean feel the harrowing stretch and letting him know to whom he belonged. Once he bottomed out, he sank down, letting their chests slide together, and stretched an arm under Dean's back, bowing him up a bit, his other hand going down to cup Dean's firm ass. He reveled in the taught muscle, clenching and relaxing rhythmically to Cas' slow tempo. Dean wanted a hard re-claiming, but Cas had other things in mind; he wanted to make love. They both already knew to whom the other belonged, they didn't need any claiming. Now was a time for rekindling.

Dean writhed against the slow motion of Cas' hips, seeking friction that he wasn't getting elsewhere. Castiel chuckled and shifted his hips, angling differently and hitting that sweet spot dead on. He teased Dean a bit more, dragging his hips slow, in and out, pressing against his prostate and withdrawing before Dean got the pressure he needed. It was slowly driving him crazy.

Soon Dean was kissing every square inch of Cas' neck and chest that he could reach, desperate to get Cas to move a little faster. Instead, Cas reached down with a smirk, tugging on Dean's cock in time with his slow rhythm, soon making the larger man tremble as he felt his thighs burning, the orgasm building higher and higher. Dean came over Cas' fingers, his own nails clenched on his boyfriend's ass to avoid raking them down his ruined back. Cas followed, breath coming ragged as he stilled, biting Dean's neck at the juncture of shoulder and collar bone and leaving a mark.

They had no reason to hide now; they were out and free, and with each other, finally.

**an: only 1-2 more chapters, lovelies! tell me how you feel! xoxoxo**


	13. epilogue

**Chapter 13:: Epilogue: Rebuilding**

Sexy sex and whatnot ahead. You've been forewarned!

Last chapter guys, hope you've loved it!

Dean slid out from under the greasy frame of the old 8-passenger bus he was repairing for the local church, his tire on a stray nut that had fallen on the ground. It pitched him off the backboard and into the pan of old oil he'd just drained, drenching him in filth.

"Dammit!" he growled, jumping up and shaking his arms out to his sides in disbelief. He wiped a hand over his mouth and rolled his eyes, leaning down to pick up his rag and pat at the excess oil before he finished the oil change and went in to the brand new house he'd just built for him and Cas.

Dean toed his work boots off in their mud room, made specifically for him to shed his greasy work clothes, and walked into the next room to put them immediately in the washing machine. Barefoot, he padded through the hardwood floored kitchen to the refrigerator for a coke, tipping back the cold liquid and draining the bottle. He quirked an eyebrow. Cas should be home from town already.

He wandered through the main floor slowly, poking his head into each room silently. He knew Cas was in here, the Impala and the Challenger he'd given to Cas (which by the way matched his blue eyes strikingly) were both parked in the gravel driveway. He'd checked before he started his little game of hide-and-seek.

"Cas?" he called, listening but getting no answer. He stopped at the foot of the stairs, cocking his head to the side and hearing nothing still. He jumped when the clack of toenails came up behind him, their chocolate Pinscher, Daisy, getting nosy and following daddy Dean around. He patted her head and went up the stairs. If Cas was up there, then he was acting suspicious for a reason. Dean wasn't afraid for him, but he was curious.

"Angel?" he called again, pushing the bedroom door open gently. It was full of lit white candles and almost nothing else. Cas had obviously set it all up while he was working on that stupid bus! He heard water running, and tiptoed through the room to the master bath, where Cas was waiting patiently on the edge of the tub, naked. He cocked his head and smiled at his filthy boyfriend. Dean's mouth went dry.

"I saw you get covered in oil as I was coming out to get you to come in. A thunderstorm is blowing in, so I got candles just in case, you know, the power goes out…or something," he smiled wickedly and turned his face back to turn the shower spray on. "Want to clean up… before we get more dirty?" he asked, stepping closer to Dean in the steamy room. Dean nodded, unable to find his voice.

They'd already "christened" the house several times since it was built and livable again, but having each other at their beck and call would never get old. Dean shucked his underwear, the only article of clothing he hadn't thrown in the wash upon entering, in less than a blink.

"Eager boy," Cas teased, his breath hot on Dean's neck. The larger man groaned and scooped up Cas, hands under his tight little ass, and stepped into the shower.

Castiel sucked a deep bruise on the side of Dean's neck, biting down as he was sandwiched between the wet tile wall and his lover's chest. Dean moved him up and set his ass on the ridge meant for soap bars. Cas wrapped his legs around Dean's hips, bringing him closer. Dean moaned, his turgid cock prodding the bottom of Cas' leg in interest, seeking the place he'd learned to call home: between Cas' thighs.

"I want to wash you," Cas whispered, running his hands over Dean's wet skin, leaving a heated trail in his wake. Dean reached behind him, grabbing the pouf and all but shoving it into his boyfriend's hand. The smaller man chuckled and shimmied his hips, coming off of the ledge and landing on Dean's front.

"Turn around," he pressed his hand into Dean's shoulder, making him turn away so that he could wash between the cut muscles of his back. Dean stretched and flexed, showing off a bit and relishing in the sounds coming from between his lover's lips. Cas moaned, abandoning the pouf for the sake of getting his hands on Dean. The larger man gave up on pretense and turned around, determined to sink himself between Castiel's legs. He wrapped his arm tightly under Cas' armpits, hugging him snugly to his chest.

"Dean," Cas moaned when his free hand sought out his lover's erection bumping against his hip. Cas threw his head back, trying to wriggle out of Dean's grasp by sinking to his knees. "Got something for me?" he fondled Dean's sac, licking his lips before sucking each ball in his hot little mouth.

"Ah!" Dean's legs nearly buckled. He slammed off the water and threw Cas over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. The smaller man squealed and kicked, reaching down to smack Dean's ass with a loud clap. "Ooh, thank you sir, may I have another?" he teased. Cas laughed and obliged, marking the other cheek with a red handprint. He was tossed on the bed on his back, Dean trapping him there with his immediate body weight pressing them into the fluffy down comforter.

"I love you, Castiel," he whispered against goose-bumped skin, licking a delicate stripe up the side of his lover's neck. Cas shivered in the cold air and wrapped his legs around Dean's hips loosely.

"I will never get tired of hearing that, Winchester," he smiled, tugging Dean's face back to his by his hair.

~0~0~

After their amorous adventure in the candle light, Cas padded down to the kitchen to stir up a quick dinner in the first thing he found on the floor near the bed: Dean's black boxer briefs. The phone rang loudly in the silence of the big house, making Castiel jump and knock his head on the cabinet door as he was pulling out a can of baked beans to go with the burger he was forming into patties. Dean came up behind him and snatched the phone, dropping a kiss on Cas' head where he was rubbing, a deep pout marring his features.

"Hello? Oh, hi Ellen," he rolled his eyes, walking around to stand behind the island in the vast kitchen and watch his partner make his favorite dinner. Cas waved back at him over his head, not turning around. "Cas says hi," he laughed, leaning on the granite top.

"Well, how's it going up there? Feels weird having you far away again, kid," she growled, and Dean could tell she was leaning against the bar in the Roadhouse just from her attitude.

"Everything's fine, Ellen. We just got the house filled back in and homey again. I have the shop fully open, and Cas is looking for a little job in town because as he says 'being a housewife is making him actually crazy.'" He laughed down the line, dodging the dishtowel thrown his way. Cas blew a raspberry at him before dropping the burgers into the pan.

Dean got an idea and trailed the cord of the phone over to the refrigerator, pulling out the pack of bacon. _Bacon cheeseburgers?_ He mouthed at Cas, who snorted and nodded, taking the pack from Dean who retreated back to the island and sat down in the bar stool there.

Castiel had a rule: no Dean in the kitchen when he was cooking. He'd burned his ass once already by accidentally backing away in the wrong direction from the countertop and sitting on a hot eye on stove when Dean scooped him up in the heat of the moment. Never again. Dean still liked to push the boundaries, so he bought Dean a stool on his last trip to Walmart, and made him stay there of he insisted on watching. He did it begrudgingly, but sometimes it was necessary.

Dean sat and listened to Ellen babble on about some new guy that Jo had been chasing around school and how the bar was going well but it felt empty now that Dean was gone, et cetera. He studied all the marks covering Cas' back and sides, from Crowley and various other accidents. It made him think of Lily and her stories of her past life, and how the two of them were probably the strongest people he knew. He bit his lip and fought the burn of a tear as he said his goodbye to Ellen and promised to call soon with another progress report.

He stepped past the "line" of the island once again, wrapping his arms around Cas' slim torso from behind.

"Dean," Cas chided, turning in his arms in an attempt to push him back a few steps. He was silenced with an onslaught of lips and tongue, sweeping over his own as Dean overtook him, tracing the scars peppering his back with one hand and his chin with the other. "I love you, Winchester," he laughed once he caught his breath again.

"God, I'll never get tired of hearing that, Novak," he grinned widely and ducked back in for another kiss.

**END**

tell me how you feel...!


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